What's Your Roller Derby Name? Mine's "Tamoxalot".

What a relief to have some quiet time this weekend! On the way home from work on Thursday I stopped for a few groceries and some particular thread because I wanted to make sure I had everything I could possibly need on the weekend so that I would not need to leave the house unless I really wanted to.

I didn't feel so great all week at work even though I slept good most nights and Tuesday night in particular I napped after work and then was only awake for a couple of hours before I went to bed and was down for the count. I felt rested when I woke up but then, mid afternoon, I felt more tired than usual. I could hardly keep my eyes open at work. I hate that feeling. For a long time I felt that way every afternoon at work. It was awful. This was reminiscent of that.

By the time I got home Thursday night, every step I took was painful. The bottoms of my feet hurt more than usual and my joints were rapidly becoming more and more sore. By 7:00, my joints ... fingers, wrists, shoulders, hips, knees, feet ... hurt so badly I was pretty miserable. I had been really looking forward to a get-together with a bunch of friends I used to work with at the "awful law firm". I had REALLY looked forward to seeing that bunch of people but I knew I couldn't go. I was just too miserable and in pain. It was bad enough that I lusting after morphine. I couldn't remember where I put the couple of leftover morphine-type pills that I'm pretty sure I kept on hand ... just in case. But I must have put them somewhere REAL safe, because I couldn't find them. I would have taken them if I could.

Thursday night was the worst my joints have felt since about 2 years ago when I was on Arimidex and I felt 100 years old and crippled. Why now? I do not know. I didn't take my Tamoxifen Thursday night. I just couldn't bring myself to take something that might acerbate the problem. That night I slept pretty good despite my discomfort. I woke up a few times aware of my aching bones but was able to go right back to sleep. And the next morning? Amazing. I slept late and when I got up my bones and joints didn't feel any worse than they do any other usual day. Everything felt what I consider my "new normal". Nothing worse. Amazing! I don't even know how I can go from feeling so much ache and pain one day to very little the next. All I can attribute it to ... and I'm just guessing at the only thing in my life that was different ... is the level of activity the weekend before without enough time to properly recover. I only skipped my Tamoxifen Thursday night and have taken it every night since and my joints still feel "normal for me". So I don't think it was the Tamoxifen ... at least not alone ... making me so miserable on Thursday night. So strange. I wish I understood it all. The main thing is that for the rest of the weekend I've had lots of rest and I feel back to usual self. My "new normal". Thank God! I never thought I'd be grateful for "new normal" but it's so much better than some of the other conditions that I feared would become my "new normal". This one is liveable.

In addition to finishing the quilting on the farm critters baby quilt, I started getting fabric cut for wee Robert's baby quilt! FUN!

Kevin is, by all reports, having a crazy awesome time in Uruguay! They're in pretty remote areas much of the time so I haven't heard much. He did email yesterday ...

" ... just wanted to let you know we are good, just got out of the North last night. It was amazing, very poor, very beautiful, very wonderful hospitable people. Everyone is treating us well. Its like we stepped into a time warp and its about 1955. Have some amazing pics to show you and some amazing fish. Weather is smoking hot, 25 - 30 each day, we are getting tanned."

"we just got back from the cyber cafe (where we emailed you from) and they charged Dwayne and I 20 pesos (which is 1.00)

for the 2 of us for 30 minutes. We only used 15 minutes so they wanted to give us change, or buy us a soda. We declined. It is amazing. Will try to call when we find a phone."

I'm so glad Kevin's having a great time and experiencing an unfamiliar environment and culture. It must be so interesting for him!

Speaking of Kevin (my handy man) being away, I had an especially heart-warming surprise yesterday morning ... late morning. I was sitting at the table eating my cereal ... still in my pj's ... hair looking like a twin peaks version of Krusty the Clown's hair style (tres bizarre - and unsightly) ... when I heard the sound of shoveling. I was only semi-conscious of the sound ... assuming my neighbours were shoveling their walks ... when I see out my kitchen window my brother Jim shoveling MY walk! Jim. Shoveling. My walk. MY walk. I was both astounded and grateful to tears! Thank you, Jim. My arm thanks you, too. That was so thoughtful and kind and so appreciated!

Last night ... Saturday night ... I went to see some Roller Derby with a couple of friends. I've been wanting to go since I first read about it in the paper about three years ago. Timing has been such that I haven't been able to get to it but knowing this was the last weekend to see any until March and since I was feeling better and ready to venture out in public again ... well, off to Roller Derby we went!

It was pretty fun! I had my new camera with me ... the one that's just a newer version of my old camera ... so I took a few photos. Mostly disappointing photos. I find that with this camera if there's any motion at all, I get blur. Our old camera while on automatic settings could handle motion very well. Next time I'll have to experiment with the settings to find one that will accommodate motion. And I'm not just talking about sporting action, I'm talking about trying to capture a photo of someone whose movements are more subtle. I didn't use to get any blur on those at all but with this camera I do. Nonetheless, I hope the following photos give you some sense of what Roller Derby action was like. Very fun! Erin said my Roller Derby name should be "Tamoxalot"! Ha! Laurie's is "Ram Bunctious", and Erin's is ... I can't remember what we settled on. At first it was "Bomb Malicious" but she chose a variation of that for her ultimate Roller Derby name. Maybe it will come to me ...

In this match it's the Saskatoon Killa' Bees against the Redneck Betties from Swift Current. "FN Star" visited with family and friends during half time. "Black Betty" is one of the refs. That's "Jazz Mean" in the bottom photos (after taking some brutal hits) being attended to by paramedics. It's definitely not a sport for the timid! And it's a great time. Check out their website and prepare to attend the next match in March.

We felt a little conspicuous without tats and fish nets! And more mascara.

What's Your Roller Derby Name? Mine's "Tamoxalot".

Four Movies Later ...

... and I've finished the hand quilting on this baby quilt! YEAH! All I have left to do is the binding. I'm going to follow Auntie Eileen's advice and go with the straight binding instead of the bias binding. I'll try bias binding eventually but for my first go, the simpler the better. I now need to study up on binding instructions.

I've fallen in love with this quilt. I love the plush minky backing ... that's the soft, bumpy green fabric you see in the bottom right of the photo. So cuddly warm. This will be a very warm quilt. Not meant for tropical babies. Better suited to winter wonderland babies such as the one this quilt will be going to. Denver has enough of a cold season to warrant a cozy baby quilt, I think. That's where this one will go.

In September Bart and Terin had a little boy, Beau Edwin. Bart was the assistant coach when Luke first went to Bellarmine University in Louisville, Kentucky. That same year his coach, Jack McGetrick, was diagnosed with cancer. Bad cancer. All cancers are bad but some are worse than others and Jack's diagnosis was a particularly tough one. If someone could survive cancer by pure strength of spirit, resolve and "fight", Jack would still be here. He fought for his life with a toughness I and others still marvel at. To be that kind of support for Jack and for the lacrosse team, was a role Bart surely hadn't anticipated but that he took on with grace and care and then was left, after Jack passed, to step in as acting coach last year until a new coach was hired this year. Not an easy position for Bart but we so respect the way he handled himself and the team.

On a personal note, when Kevin and I had to make that truly awful phone call to Luke ... only 6 months after he'd left home ... to tell him I had breast cancer, Bart was really there to help Luke absorb the information and to give him perspective. Bart's Mom, too, had gone through the whole breast cancer thing so he was a particularly excellent support person for Luke, as was Coach McGetrick. Luke, at 18, had known a few others with cancer and in all of those situations, the result had been death. So, you can imagine where his first thoughts went when he first learned his Mom had cancer. Telling him, especially from so far away, was one of my most horrible nightmares. Thank goodness for Jack and Bart and his team mates who were there for Luke.

When we would visit Louisville to see Luke and to watch some lacrosse games, I can't say enough about how warm and caring both Bart and Jack were to us and to me and Luke in particular. And that is why this baby quilt is for Bart and Terin's little boy, Beau. It's my thank-you to Bart. I thought of him and his family with every little hand stitch I put into it. I can't wait to finish it and mail it off ... though I'm going to miss it. I would like to make a quilt this cozy for everyone I love.

Four Movies Later ...

Remembrance

I read this year that there's some concern that November 11 has just become a "holiday" from work. It is that, too, I admit. And a welcome one. I needed this long weekend. I didn't go to the Remembrance Day ceremony this year. It gets very good attendance in Saskatoon. I think there were over 8,000 this November 11. It's good to go to it. It's very impacting. But even though I'm not at work and not at the ceremony and am enjoying a quiet day at home, it doesn't mean I don't "remember". I do. I give considerable thought.

It's good to be able to put a face to the "remembering". A face to represent the countless faces that deserve to be remembered. My face to remember is Kevin's Uncle Reg. Here he is from a photo taken during the air show in 2006, with Lieutenant (Navy) Petra Smith. Reg is a veteran from 431 Squadron, who served in a bomber squadron during World War II. That hardly tells his story, though. That he survived is nothing short of a miracle after the many times his plane went down, among other calamities. So, of course, I salute in my heart Uncle Reg and all the others who did what I can't even imagine sending my own son to do.

I have a couple of other faces that I include in my remembering. And those are Norma and Foster. Young faces. Young faces worthy of equal remembering, respect, and awe. Young people who want to make the world a better place and who are doing something about it.

I think all Canadians have Remembrance Day ingrained in them just as strongly as our national anthem. And that's a good thing.

Remembrance

I Won Something Awesome!

And that would be this package of super quilting treasures! Needles, cute pins, beautiful threads, a lovely charm pack of Freebird fabric (one I almost bought for myself when I was in Paducah a few years ago) and ... what I most love and needed ... this very sweet pincushion! Isn't it cute? I just love it. Such a simple, little thing, yet je adore!

I won all of this from Catherine Watts of The Sewing Attic, which is ever so far away in Whangamata, New Zealand! How cool is that?! Thank you so much, Catherine! I was so very excited to find this package in my mailbox after work today!

I won this just in time to get back to work on the quilting of this baby quilt.

I'm visualizing the colours of this Freebird fabric in our family room, maybe with some dark brown fabric for background? Maybe some dark brown super-soft minky fabric for the back? Our family room is mostly chocolate brown and reds while golden yellow and green are the main colours of adjoining rooms. It's such a good match for our home!

And yet ... and yet ... I might make it up for a quilt to give to the cancer centre. Or, maybe I'll use THIS fabric for my family room quilt and use another charm pack for a cancer centre quilt. We'll see. Either way, I have several other projects to get at first. It's hard to be patient. 

Here, by the way, is a photo of my old pincushion and my new pincushion. See why I'm so excited?!! Sorry, Mom, but I'm happy to be done with this sponge!

On a not so exciting note, my right wrist started hurting again yesterday afternoon. It's gotten progressively worse today and this afternoon my left wrist started hurting similarly, too. My fingers in general are extra achy today, too, and a little swollen. The one ring I started wearing again is very tight today. I don't like this. I'll see how hand quilting goes tonight.

I Won Something Awesome!

Glazed Lemon Cheesecake - Recipe

I made this cheesecake for the first time this weekend and had several enthusiastic comments about it. I'm very happy with how it turned out. It was very lemony, creamy, easy to make, and delicious! For a baked cheesecake it was especially creamy! In fact most people wouldn't have guessed it was baked ... it was THAT creamy!

I highly recommend it as a rather light and refreshing post dinner dessert.

I found the recipe at Lillyella.

Glazed Lemon Cheesecake

Crust

2 1/4 cups graham cracker crumbs

1/4 cup sugar

2/3 cup butter, melted

Filling

3 8oz packages cream cheese, softened

1 1/4 cups sugar

3 eggs

4 Tablespoons fresh lemon juice*

1 heaping Tablespoon grated lemon peel

1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

Glaze

2 eggs

1 cup sugar

1/4 cup fresh squeezed lemon juice

2 Tablespoons grated lemon peel

6 Tablespoons butter

*You will need a total of 3-4 medium to large lemons. Zest all the lemons before squeezing.

Combine the crust ingredients in a medium bowl and press onto the bottom and 2" up the sides of a 9" springform pan. (Heather's note: I halved this recipe because I prefer my cheesecake crusts just on the bottom and not up the side.) Set the pan on a baking sheet and bake at 350° for 10 minutes. Let sit on a wire rack while you prepare the filling. Keep the oven at 350°.

For the filling, in a large bowl, beat cream cheese and sugar until smooth. Add eggs and beat on low until combined. Stir in the lemon juice, lemon peel and vanilla until just blended.

Pour slowly into crust, return pan to baking sheet and bake for 40 – 45 minutes or until edges are set and center is almost set. (Heather's note: I put some water in the baking pan that the springform pan sits on because this is supposed to help prevent the cheesecake from cracking.) Cool on a wire rack for 10 minutes. Carefully run a knife around the edge of the pan to loosen the crust, cool for another hour then refrigerate overnight before serving.

For the glaze, in a small heavy saucepan, whisk the eggs, sugar, lemon juice and peel until blended. Add butter and cook, whisking constantly, until mixture thickens and coats the back of a spoon. Transfer to a small bowl and cool for 10 minutes. Cover and refrigerate until chilled.

Spread glaze on cheesecake before serving or serve it on the side with slices! You will have about twice as much curd as you need to glaze the cheesecake but if you don't just eat it with a spoon (trust me, you will want to), it's delicious on toast, biscuits, scones, ice cream and sugar cookies!

Glazed Lemon Cheesecake - Recipe

Seasonal Transitions and Gone To The Dogs

We woke up to snow on Sunday! It wasn't awfully cold, at least. I don't have Kevin, my shoveler, here so before everyone arrived to "baby shower" Robert on Sunday, I was out there shoveling. Perhaps not the best thing to have been doing. I notice it's a little puffy today under my arm but not too bad. I expect it will go down as has happened in the past when I've overused it. I hope it doesn't snow again.

This morning I went to work and walked along my totally cleared sidewalk. When I got home tonight after voting look at what I found! Even though it wasn't windy, the tree out front decided to let loose all its leaves rather suddenly! It looks strange to see all these orangeish leaves blanketing the sidewalk and the snow.

I plan on keeping a very low profile for the next two weeks while Kevin is away. I need some down time. Some quiet time. Some sleep. Some quilting time.

The past few weeks have been a little challenging. It been very busy with so much to do for both Kevin and me. Kevin was so busy this summer and leading right up to the grand opening of his new Sarcan processing plant last Friday. If you were watching the news that night, you probably saw him and Brad Wall talking about it. When that was over, there was lots for him to do to get ready to leave on his trip.

For me there have been lots of little disturbances. Everything from the medical appointments a couple weeks ago for the stuff that had been troubling me, to the series of additional little physical bothers that have happened since and that saw me back to the doctor this past Friday morning ... the Friday before all my family arrived ... and right after Kevin left. Nothing serious. Just weird. And nagging. Every little weird thing becomes as much or more of a mental game now than physical one. Cancer is like a ghost. I know now that it can be in your body without you even knowing it and I also know now that before you start chemo the doctors don't actually tell you that chemo itself can cause cancer or, at least, allow other cancers to grow. It's disturbing. They probably don't tell people because they might choose to not undergo chemo. I suppose chemo might save you from the current cancer and you might not get another cancer and if you do, there will be another type of chemo, perhaps, to try to save you from it. **shudder** Maybe you can imagine how this messes with one's head after having been through cancer and chemo and radiation and the other drugs ... a real mental struggle.

So, after my morning appointment I went to work and, as I told my colleagues, "If I were a dog, Kevin would be thinking about having me put down right now". That's really how it's felt the last little while. Nothing serious but just a bunch of little things that make me feel "broken". The proverbial straw. Here's a list of my little ailments from the past week or so ... again, not to complain but to document them for myself. If I don't do that, I find I really lose track of WHEN things happened. I may never need this information again but who knows ... maybe someday having this information written down for myself will be useful.

1. I don't remember if I already mentioned the night I hardly slept because my feet were so burning hot I couldn't get them cool enough to let me sleep. They're often hot at night and I play the hokey pokey most nights to some degree but that one night they were the worst. They burned and burned. Kevin felt them and didn't think they were so hot to the touch so maybe it was mostly the damage to my nerves that tells my brain they're hot but, if that were the case, why does finding a real cold spot on top of the covers by the open window feel so good? So what was that one night of especially hot feet all about? Chemo left me with what I think is a mild case of "hand and foot syndrome" (thought doctors have never called it that - in fact they don't name it at all), which explains the nerve damage in my feet - the pain, the numbness in my toes and the front of my feet ... and probably the heat, too. I'm so glad that the nerves in my fingers are mostly repaired. I don't have any trouble with them though they were quite numb toward the end of chemo and for quite a while beyond that.

2. Last weekend early in the day on Saturday it suddenly felt like my right wrist was sprained. It really hurt. It hurt to use it for certain things and some things I would try to do made it feel week and almost limp. That night I woke up several times in the night very aware of how painful my wrist was. I would have taken Advil if I could have but I have a bad reaction to Advil. I remember looking at the clock at 5:30 a.m. the last time it was bothering me. I slept late on Sunday and when I got up my wrist didn't hurt at all. Not one bit. I twisted it, turned it, poked it ... nothing. It felt perfectly fine. How can it go from being that painful so suddenly and for almost 24 hours to suddenly not painful at all?! I don't understand.

3. Tuesday morning ... I think it was Tuesday (this is what happens when I don't blog daily ... I forget days and details so much more quickly than I ever used to) ... anyway, I was putting on my jeans. I lifted one foot and I suddenly felt a "zap" slightly to the right of my spine in my lower back. Damn! Back pain? Are you kidding me??!! It still bothers me a little but it is almost all better by now. I've never ever had a back issue but I know that other people do and I imagine this is just one of those things that happens ... age related, perhaps ... and not related to cancer or cancer drugs. While it's almost a relief to have something weird happen that I'm sure has nothing to do with cancer or chemo or radiation or the drugs I've been on, it was still another thing upon a series of others. Just what I need is another reason to limp about or have trouble sitting or standing.

4. This one pushed me over the edge ... probably because it's just another of what has been a lot of unexpected health related stuff going on in the past couple of weeks. On Thursday night I rolled over in bed ... carefully because of my back ... and I suddenly had a funny feeling in my chest. Kind of like my heart fluttered and paused or my lungs did something funny. I've never had that happen before but it didn't alarm me. I'm sure it was just "one of those things" - maybe from twisting my chest somehow. I rolled back onto my back just to straighten myself out and then felt like I needed to cough ... just a little tickle. So what I expected to be a tiny little "eh eh" almost made me jump right out of bed! Instead of a soft little cough, it came out like a very loud "quack". Followed by another loud "quack" and then another. And then out of me came a very looooong cough that was one very long, loud, drawn out "quaaaaaaaaaack". Now THAT freaked me out! If I'd had a cold or had felt any rattling in my chest or if I'd coughed anything up, it wouldn't have alarmed me so much, but I couldn't think of any reason for me to cough like that. So I called my doctor in the morning and was able to get in. She couldn't find any reason for me to have a cough, especially a strange cough, so she sent me for a chest x-ray since I hadn't had one since spring of 2009 before I started chemo. She doesn't expect anything unusual to show up and thinks that perhaps it was just an unusual one-time thing. Still, I found it alarming. Before I had chemo, I never once in my whole life (or as far back as I can remember) ever had what I call a "barking" or "bronchial" type cough. Never. Not until I had chemo and then I occasionally had a barking cough in the night ... unexpected and loud just like this recent "quacking" cough. But I had read that "chemo cough" is quite common so I didn't worry about it. I expected it to go away after chemo was finished. But ever since chemo I will occasionally get that same unexpected barking cough. It mostly only happens at night and it always surprises me because there's never been any reason for me to cough like that. This cough really did sound like a "quack", though, and less like a "bark". It's the first time pneumonia or "lung cancer" ever crossed my mind. And while I'm quite sure I don't have either of those, I will feel better knowing I've had a chest x-ray done. Last night I had one "barking" cough. Why?

It was this last barking cough and the 4th visit to doctors in the past 2 weeks that pushed me a little over the edge. Between it and all the recent doctor visits to determine whether my other issues are actually diverticulosis or not, it just felt the last straw. I really did feel like a dog that should just be put down. I was, perhaps, feeling a little sorry for myself, tired of medical stuff, and a little overwhelmed with doctoring and so many little physical troubles in a short time ...

I figure if I just stay put and get lots of rest over the next 2 weeks and take care of myself, all should be better. And then Kevin won't have to contemplate putting me down when he gets back from Uruguay. "Ruff Ruff" ... or "Quack Quack".

Seasonal Transitions and Gone To The Dogs

Baby! Baby! Who's Got The Baby?!

Meghan holds Robert. The camera caught him smiling!

Dawson holds Robert.

Auntie Kathy holds Robert.

Allan holds Robert.

Sharon holds Robert.

Great Grandma and Great Grandpa Cooper hold Robert.

Great Grandma Kerr and Grandma Lynn hold Robert.

Jim holds Robert. Jim held him while the rest of us ate dinner on Sunday.

Grandpa Darrel and Auntie Kathy hold Robert.

Grandma and Robert ... both sleeping.

I got to hold Robert for a while on Sunday, too. He's pretty cuddly, alright! I wish I'd got a photo of Mom holding him. I didn't have much camera time what with all the stuff going on in my house and without Kevin here to co-host with me, so I know I missed some good photo ops. I hope others got photos. There is one good one, at least, of Mom holding Robert when she, Darrel and Lynn went to Yellowknife to see him soon after he was born.

I also want a good photo of Robert in the cradle his Great Grandpa Bob (Robert) made for Hannah when she was born. I washed it up and sent it over to Kathy's for little Robert to sleep in while he's here. I'd send it to Yellowknife if there was a way to get it there. I intend to get little brass plates engraved to attach to the cradle ... one for each baby who slept in it. Dad wanted that. He'd have been so thrilled to hold this new little Robert.

Baby! Baby! Who's Got The Baby?!

Josh, Noelene and Robert In Town!

I finally got to meet Robert this weekend! As happy as Kevin is to be in Uruguay, I know he's disappointed to miss meeting Robert. Not that Robert did much. He mostly ate and slept the whole time and didn't seem to mind being passed around from loving arms to loving arms all weekend! What a trooper! Deadly cute, too.

Noelene looks great! Both she and Josh have this whole baby thing cased! Naturals! Easy peasy!

Noelene's parents will be coming from South Africa to Yellowknife to meet Robert in January. First, though, they're going to be in Japan for the birth of another new grandchild in ... probably ... early December. Then they'll visit another daughter and her family in France for a few weeks before they get to Yellowknife.

Whenever anyone, including myself, laments about how far away their kids are, I think of Noelene's parents. I can't even imagine! And they are so graceful about it.

Josh, Noelene and Robert In Town!

An Overdue Shopping Date with Meghan

Mom, Jodi, Meghan, and Dawson came to the city on Saturday morning and after a very nice lunch at Soleio with Kathy, we hit the mall and hopped from one end to the other. I recommend Soleio for breakfast, lunch, some specialty grocery shopping, ... or for just hanging out with friends.

Meghan got a new dress. Since she only had sneakers, she's wearing her Grandma's shoes since they were handy by the door.

Dawson isn't much into shopping so after lunch and before we got to the mall, we dropped him off to spend the afternoon with Jim and Allan ... Allan who just turned 16!! Happy Birthday, Allan!

An Overdue Shopping Date with Meghan

Kevin's Just A Little Excited

Kevin and Dwayne left Friday morning for Uruguay! Kevin was pretty excited! Shelley drove them to the airport. I wanted a photo of the guys before they left so ...

Photo Number 1 ... "Kev, you're smiling so much I can't see your eyes!"

Photo Number 2 ... "Over here, Kev ... eyes open!"

Photo Number 3 ... "Okay ... Kev can't quit beaming ... no eyes ... have fun in Uruguay! Catch lots of fish!".

For those of you who don't know, Kevin, Dwayne and 6 other "fish nerds" will be in Uruguay for a couple of weeks on a fish collecting adventure. They have a guide who has arranged everything and they'll be in various rivers collecting freshwater tropical fish for their aquariums. Imagine the fish you see in tanks in pet stores. Many of those come from the kinds of rivers Kevin will be collecting fish from but he's hoping to get some species we don't typically see here. He has wanted to do this almost as long as I've known him so this is a big deal. The tanks in our house are all ready for all the new fish he hopes to bring back.

Their guide has already made all the necessary arrangements with Customs as to how many and what species they can bring back to Canada with them. I hope Kevin, Dwayne and the rest of the guys have the time of their lives!

Kevin phoned yesterday to let me know that they were in Montevideo and having a great time already!

I plan to do a lot of quilting while Kevin's away. I have so much to do!

Kevin's Just A Little Excited