Listen, Buster ...

I treated myself to tulips tonight when I went for groceries. Aren't they pretty? They represent the promise of spring!

I worked again today. Yeah me!! I did it. I didn't go in until 1:00 again, though. As much as I would like to go in earlier in the day, for now afternoons seem better for me. That's a bit disappointing because I had hoped to work earlier and then be able to go for a good, long walk at the PAC after that in the afternoon. That idea just isn't working for me yet. I must say that once I get there, I'm in no hurry to leave. Even when I'm getting tired, I really don't want to leave. It's the getting there and back that tires me out most. By the way ... big day today! I didn't wear a wig to work!! I knew I'd be the only one there anyway, so I just wore a hat. It was okay. Wow!

At any rate, I got through this week and managed to work 3 out of the 4 days I'd planned to work. AND I got groceries after work, too! I'll try to forget that one very miserable mid-week day and focus on the fact that it's Friday and I feel okay and I worked three half days. YEAH!

I had a funny email from Nora today. She was mad for me, which is great because I'm not so good at "mad". The idea of saying, "Listen, Buster ...", to my doctors cracks me up! I wonder if they'd call security if I opened with that? For sure they would if I was wearing a zoot suit, a hat with a rakish tilt, and smoking a stogie with one eye all squinty ... and had a thug with me ... carrying a violin case. Nora's comments also brought to mind the quote (I don't know who said it ... there seems to be some uncertainty), "If you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow". If I only had the noive!

I talked to Mom every day this week and she's doing okay but still isn't 100% steady. She still has some dizzy moments. I hope she can get this figured out with her doctor when he's back next week. Friends and neighbours are looking out for her and for that I'm grateful. Her test results should be back on Monday I would think, too.

Luke has a big game tomorrow at noon (10:00 a.m. here). It's their first home game. I'm glad they're sitting at 2 out of 2 already because it would be a shocker if they won tomorrow's game. They play Maryland, who has one of the top ranked Division I teams. They team is having a special fundraising event tomorrow during the game for their coach, Jack, whose insurance doesn't cover all of his costly cancer treatments. It a surprise event so don't tell Jack! I don't think Coach Jack is reading my blog, so I'm not worried about spilling the beans. The team will be wearing t-shirts that all say "Everyone works for Jack" and they'll be selling t-shirts at the game, too, so I expect there will be a lot of them in the stands as well. I asked Luke to buy a few t-shirts for us if he can so we can support Jack from here. Matty might want a t-shirt.

Lovin' Olympics! Norma exhausts me just hearing about the fun surprise birthday event she and some girls have been working on ... they've made a podium out of a covered drawer, made medals out of round wood pieces covered in foil and then strung with ribbon ... little bouquets ... cake ... flags ... Canadiana ... a meal of dishes from around the world ... CRAZY! But crazy COOL!! Crazy FUN!! I feel guilty now for not even wearing red while I watch the events on tv. I should be waving a little flag, at least. Where IS my spirit?!

Tomorrow ... oatmeal pancakes. I got the buttermilk today so I can soak the rolled oats in buttermilk overnight. If you want oatmeal pancakes tomorrow, don't forget to soak! They're SO yummy! We have a weekend guest but I can't say who it is. It's a surprise. Isn't that crazy? I'll tell you after the surprise part is over.

Happy Olympic weekend, everyone!

Listen, Buster ...

I'm Happy To Introduce You ...

... to this blog by Amy Jo Ehman that Sue directed me to. I love it and you might like it, too. There is a lot of information about local (Saskatchewan) food and recipes using it. Check it out here.

I've only looked at a few pages but I definitely want to read more. I've learned so much already. For instance, did you know you can grow lemons in Saskatchewan? Do you know where to buy locally grown chickpeas and lentils and all kinds of other foods? Do you know which restaurants try to use mostly local ingredients?

I've added this blog to my feed reader.

I'm Happy To Introduce You ...

Sense of Purpose

These prettily packaged soaps and bar shampoo are from Berny. Thanks, Berny! A woman in Nipawin makes them. Her name just happens to be Barr! haha! They smell heavenly. They are calling me to a soak in the tub tonight ... if I can tear myself away from Olympic coverage. I LOVE Olympics!

Check out the Barr Soap website (you can buy her products online - BUY LOCAL!) and read this article from the Nipawin Journal about Sonja Barr and her soaps.

Today I got to work at 1:00 and it was A-OK! I wore Luke's big boots to work, which look ridiculous, but at least I didn't fall. Lynne sent me the brilliant suggestion of getting some of those spikey things that you can slip onto the bottoms of your shoes. I hadn't thought of that. Good idea. I'll have to check them out.

It was just Karen and I at the office today. Quiet and relaxed. So relaxed, in fact, that I felt comfortable enough taking my wig off. I wore a hat at first but then I had a hot flash and got rid of it, too ... until my head got cold. I couldn't see myself, so it wasn't bothering me too much and I even forgot about it at one point when Karen walked into my office. My office is a "safe" environment. I had no trouble working away ... happily plugging away at things that need doing ... just starting at the top of a list of tasks and checking them off ... twittering ... blogging ... updating website information ... ordering books ... forwarding information to those who might need it. It feels good to have the sense of purpose my work provides. I missed that.

Sense of Purpose

Another Kick At The Can

I laughed when I saw this. It's the picture that would have gone with my post yesterday!

Today, I'm happy to say that I do feel calm. I feel better than yesterday. I didn't sleep so well last night again but I didn't try to get up early and I let myself sleep as long as I needed, which was until about 10:45. For this past week or so, it seems that my best sleep starts around 6:00 or 7:00 a.m. Anyway, sleeping as long as necessary may have made the difference today.

While I'm not "on top of the world" today, I do feel generally better and less upset. I'm less achy and my stomach isn't upset today, though it was in the night for a bit.

It's no wonder I feel despairing sometimes when I thought that I would be feeling steady improvement once I got through chemo and then radiation. Nobody warned me that there might possibly be nasty side effect issues caused by the drugs I'm to take afterward. I knew there were potential side effects but so do tylenol and cough syrup have potential side effects. I didn't know that there was likely to be quality-of-life compromising side effects. I wasn't expecting this and then to have it continue longer than even my oncologists thought it would has been disheartening. It makes it much harder to move forward and it certainly slows my progress. A lot.

Getting ready for work, getting in and out of vehicles, walking to the office, dealing with snowy and icy surfaces ... and then repeating the process to go home are the most tiring things about work, I think. I might have to see about going in to work every second day instead of every day.

I think I did remarkably well walking outside with Otto while I was wearing Luke's old sorels (giant winter boots), which are at least two sizes too big. They allowed me a little more stability on uneven surfaces. And they're so heavy, I mostly shuffled instead of lifting my feet. It was more like snow-shoeing. I also had to shuffle because the boot laces were missing and I could easily step right out of them. Where are the laces? I think they've been repurposed as shooting strings in a lacrosse stick somewhere.

In my own shoes and boots, I've fallen 5 times in the snow already just getting to and from the car. I haven't slipped on ice and I haven't really hurt myself except for rehurting my shoulder, which happens just as easily sometimes just dressing myself. Sometimes all it takes is to step into snow and over I go. I think the numbness in my feet really impacts my stability on uneven surfaces and I'm sure the joint problems don't help. So even a short walk to the car comes with it's problems. I might have to resort to wearing Luke's sorels to work to make it across the parking lot and down the sidewalk to work. I know I felt very vulnerable walking back and forth on Tuesday.

Anyway, wish me luck today. I'm going in this afternoon. I might be the only one in our office, though, according to Nora. Most of my colleagues took part or all of this week off.

I think I'll wear Luke's boots today.

Another Kick At The Can

Ain't No Sunshine

Not in my little world today, that's for sure. I just felt crappy all day and so I didn't go to work on what woulda coulda shoulda been work day number 2. I was so disappointed! I didn't stray far from the sofa all day and just watched Olympics and slipped in and out of naps.

My joints actually ached today. My stomach was a little upset all day and during the night last night. I had a headache. I was tired from not sleeping well. For the first time in a long time even the place where my PICC-line was inserted hurt a little, too! What's with that?! I must say, though, that I've noticed some correlation between my feeling tired and my joints hurting more. I have no idea why that would be so but it seems so nonetheless. It's not just that I have less tolerance for pain when I'm tired, my joints are actually more stiff and sore. My fingers were so stiff today I had trouble doing some things that I can usually do without any problems ... such as opening the container I keep carrots in.

Instead of staying in bed and sleeping longer in the morning I got up hoping that once I was up I would feel okay but it didn't work that way. I had hoped to get to work a little earlier today ... say, around 10:00 ... and then I planned on going in at 1:00, but that didn't happen and by 1:20 I gave up any thought of it.

So I've been a little bummed all day and I still don't feel quite right.

All I can say is that I hope I feel good tomorrow and I plan on being in my office at some point.

After reading today's post, please don't send me any cheery notes or suggestions of ways to improve my lot. Just think a little wish to me for a better day tomorrow ... and the next day ... and the next day, which is what I know you are all doing anyway (thank you so much ... it means so much to me).

I became cranky (and I almost NEVER get cranky) as the day progressed and I don't have much capacity for cheer tonight. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will. I do know that there will still be tough days to come and that returning to "real life" won't happen over night. After everything going so well yesterday, though, I didn't think I'd feel so lousy today already. No wonder I'm a little bummed. But don't worry. I'll get over it. I've already started making adjustments in my mind. I do think the way I feel today is an anomaly. So let's all try to forget that today happened for me.

It is also in the back of my mind that Tamoxifen can cause depression. Many women on Tamoxifen are also taking an antidepressant (to treat depression and/or hot flashes). Several women stop taking Tamoxifen entirely because of this particular side effect. And, just to throw another kink into the mix, new research indicates that some of the most common antidepressants being prescribed interfere with the effectiveness of Tamoxifen (Here's a link to information about that). Why I mention the link between Tamoxafin and depression is because it's uncommon for me to feel the way I do today, though I think I thoroughly deserve to feel this way from time to time. That said, if feeling this way becomes commonplace for me, I will be on high alert to it being a possible side effect of the drug. I have never in my life felt depressed and for me to feel that way more often now would strongly suggest to me that it's a chemically-induced feeling.

And you can bet I've been contemplating my joint and drug issues and as much as possible I have plans, back-up plans and personal deadlines for signs of improvements. I think about it a lot. I follow the status of current research a lot. A lot. A lot. I bet I know more about the research than most (and maybe all) of my doctors. As much as I wish there was some way to make this joint problem go away NOW, trust me ... I have done my research and I have set my own limits as to how long I will let this last before seeking further consideration from doctors. There is no magic pill I can pop to make all this go away. I'm not being ridiculously patient. I think I'm being as patient as I'm required to be based on what I've been told by doctors and what I've learned from my research. And I know I have to wait a little longer before trying to get some medical answers and, from what I've learned, there may be no answers. There aren't always answers. I know that and stamping my feet and having tantrums won't make one iota of difference so I might as well keep calm and carry on.

Here's to a better day tomorrow!

Ain't No Sunshine

Mom Update

Mom's friend, Peggy, drove her to Eston today to see her Doctor but he's away this week and so she saw another Doctor instead. There is still no speculation on why Mom had that "spell" on the weekend but they're running some tests. Mom also said was feeling a bit dizzy and short of breath again today and her face was "feeling funny" again. The Doctor gave her a "water pill" (the same pill she was given when she got to Rosetown hospital on Saturday) and she said it made a difference after it had some time to work. She has a prescription for those and has been told to REST! In the meantime, friends and neighbours in the community are aware of what she's been experiencing and are watching out for her, which is comforting from this end. She promised me she would be taking it very easy.

Mom Update

The Librarian With The Pearl Earring

This reminded me somewhat of "the painting". You know. The one by Vermeer.

What happened is that I had taken my wig off as soon as I got home. It felt like a long time to have my wig on and my head was getting pretty itchy and uncomfortable. Besides that, I'd started having a few hot flashes just before I left the office and they were carrying on when I got home. They were making me feel a little dizzy and sick. And then, when they were over, my head felt chilled and clammy but my hats were all upstairs and because I was feeling too tired to tackle the stairs, I just grabbed the nearest scarf and wrapped it around my head to warm it up. I hadn't worn this scarf on my head before but I kind of like the exotic effect!

Here's the painting! See the resemblance? Okay ... only BARELY! I think I need pearls.

The Librarian With The Pearl Earring

Back To Work!

This is my first day back to work since June 8, 2009! I hadn't felt so good yesterday ... tired ... tender and puffy underarm ... just a little blah ... so I was a little apprehensive about today. But I woke up today feeling better and before I knew it I was out the door and on my way to campus. I stopped at the parking office and got a temporary parking pass that lets me park closer to the building than I would normally be able to do.

As I entered the building, several of the people from the Dief Centre Museum had seen me coming and they gathered at the door with big, welcoming smiles to greet me and welcome me back! I hadn't expected to see so many people all at once. They were so nice and beaming and made me feel so missed! I got a little verklempt. And then I walked down the hall and saw Ben and was a little too choked up to talk. Then I made it to our end of the building and there was Karen and Nora, also with beaming faces, and so welcoming! They had decorated my door so festively! I didn't get too weepy ... just a little and for only a short time. It was very nice to be back and went better than I expected. I didnt' get too overwhelmed. Not yet. I just started by dealing with the piles on my desk and slowly went through things one at a time, sorting and shifting to make some decent work space for myself. There was a bit of dusting to do, of course. The sun was pouring in the window, which was lovely and warm! That's more sun than I get in our house during the day. Nora had just filled the bird feeder outside our windows so I could see some happy birds! Karen and I had lunch in the "sun room" overlooking the river ... I've sure missed that room and that view ... and then back to work. Being there reminds me of all the things I've missed about it. I really do work with a wonderful bunch of people.

I was very tired by the time I left. I should have left about half an hour earlier and that's a good reminder to myself to stick to half time and not do the "just one more thing" thing. Baby steps. Baby steps.

And now I'm home resting and watching Olympics. I got home just in time to watch women's snowboard cross, which was crazy but crazy GOOD!

I haven't heard from Mom yet so I'll give her a call soon.

Here's my office, dusted and with some cleared space. Now that I'm back I'll see about getting some things hung on the walls! As you can see, I have two phones. That gives you some idea of what a VIP I am! (haha)

Back To Work!

Mom Update #2

I just got a message from Mom saying the doctor let her go home today after all.  So she's home and will be going up to Eston tomorrow to see Dr. Holmes. We can expect another report after that.  It sounds like she's feeling just fine. YEAH!!

Mom Update #2

Mom Update

I spoke with Mom this morning and she's doing really good.  She had a good night's sleep. Her blood pressure is back to normal this morning and she feels mostly back to normal in general, too.  Still, they're going to keep her in overnight again so they can complete some tests. With yesterday and today being holidays, I'm sure lots of tests have to wait until tomorrow anyway.  I'm just as glad to know they're keeping her in.

Mom Update

Chantelle Bakearella!

Such pretty mini cupcakes!

Chantelle Bakearella!

Road Trip to Rosetown

Early this afternoon we got a call saying Mom was being transported from the Kyle Health Centre (they don't have a hospital there anymore) to the Rosetown hospital. We got there shortly after she did and Darrel and Lynn, on their way home from Calgary (after returning from Mexico) got there a little later in the afternoon. Jim, down with a nasty cold, was best left at home.

Mom hadn't been feeling very good yesterday and then this morning when she was afraid she might pass out, she thought it best to get herself checked out. Good thinking, Mom! She had been feeling some terrible heartburn-like pain, a very bad frontal headache, dizzy, nauseous, and so forth. Her blood pressure was very high. I'm happy to report that she's settled in at Rosetown. Her blood pressure came down after she was given some medication and they're keeping her in at least over night so they can run some tests. For the time being, we don't know much except that she's in good hands and was feeling a lot better when we headed back to Saskatoon just before 6:00.

I must say that the view on the way to Rosetown and back was spectacular!  The trees were incredibly beautiful and fluffy snow truffles hung on all the electrical wire and barbed wire. We made one stop and that was to take a picture of the tetris frost on the deer fencing by Harris. If I hadn't been in a hurry, I would have been stopping every mile or two to take pictures.  On the way home, just this side of Zealandia I think, was a cute, red barn and on it someone had strung red Christmas lights in the shape of a primitive red heart. It was soooo pretty, especially with the surrounding trees so draped in white and everything looking so perfectly and surreally magical!  The towns looked magical, too!  I hope somebody was out there taking photos to show the world how pretty it is here.

We went straight to Don and Syl's when we got back to the city and Sylvia heated up a delicious leftover dinner for us ... followed by birthday cake for both Kevin and me. Alexa, artistically inclined and a "doer", decorated the very pretty cake and made valentines!

Now, exhausted and relieved that Mom is okay, I'm home sleepily watching Olympic events and Kevin is treating me to a foot massage playing Valentines Day Poker. Don't be horrified! I'm not. We celebrated Valentines Day yesterday and we have all day tomorrow!

One sad thing is that Otto isn't here to keep me company! As you can see, he road tripped with us to Rosetown where we delivered him back to the loving arms of Darrel and Lynn. As happy as Otto was to see Darrel, I think he was a little confused and at one point jumped out of Darrel's truck and back into the car with Kevin and me. We'll sure miss having him around.

Road Trip to Rosetown

What Am I Doing Up This Early?

I wish I could have slept longer. I was thirsty and forgot to take a glass of water upstairs with me last night. So here I am.

Last night we had a nice dinner at Kaos on Broadway with Kelly and Chantelle and Dana and Sue and then we went to Kelly and Chantelle's for cupcakes and Rummoli! The best part was that we all got to sit around the kitchen and watch Chantelle make icing and decorate the mini cupcakes all fancy like! She used her brand new KitchenAid mixer ... Sue and I have appliance envy! I didn't have my camera with me so we used Chantelle's camera and she promised to send me some photos.

And then we played Rummoli, which I'd never played before. A good time was had by all, even Kevin, Sue and I who ended up with the least pennies.

There are no improvements to report in the joint department. Alas. Patience is getting harder to maintain. I really, REALLY believed (and was led to believe) that this joint issue would be a thing of the past by the time I started back to work.

My left underarm is still a little puffy, too. It's been like this for a few weeks (I think) now. Always a little puffy and sometimes worse than others. Last night it was worse. It's puffy above the incision where my two lymph nodes were removed and I'm not sure why. I think I might have to see a Doctor and ask about it just to make sure there isn't something to worry about with the other lymph nodes, which would be in that location. If it had been puffy there the whole time since my surgery last March, I wouldn't think much of it but because it's only really been puffy lately, I think I should have it looked at. Could the radiation have caused some latent swelling? But first the question is who should look at it? My oncologist? My radiation oncologist? My surgeon? My family doctor? I think I'll start with my family doctor. I find I sometimes ask one and they suggest I talk to the other who then suggests I should go back and talk to the one I had just talked to. If they can't figure out who should be treating me for what, how can I? My scheduled appointment to see my radiation oncologist isn't until the end of April but I don't think I should wait that long. I know. I'll call Marg (the oncological nurse) and ask her, which will also give me the opportunity to mention to her that my joints still haven't improved and see if she has anything to say about that. That's what I'll do. Next week.

I'm still so tired. I think I'll go back to bed.

What Am I Doing Up This Early?

 

Have a romantic day! 

We might even go through the car wash!

Happy Birthday, Alyssa!

Happy Valentines Day!

Cone Love.

Happy Valentines Day!

Hannah And The Big Apple

Hannah made it safely to New York and was out dancing wildly at a club last night already! What's not to love about that?! The girls have lots of plans and I can't wait to hear all about their adventures!

Hannah is looking into tripping over to Philadelphia two weekends from now to see Luke play. That will be great if she can and if they can have a little time together.

I told her that I would be starting back to work in two days and then I laughed when she called this my "unvacation". An "unvacation" is right! I can't wait for REAL vacations again. March. March it is!

Hannah And The Big Apple

Kevin Found Lacrosse Tweets - Bellarmine WINS!!

Kevin found David Berry tweeting Luke's game. It was 4 all in the 2nd quarter but then, just before the half, Jacksonville scored another 5, so it's 9-4 for Jacksonville at the half. I hope Jack is giving those boys a big talking to at the half and I hope they come back feeling VERY inspired!

Good for Kevin for finding the tweets himself. I get very tired of being the go-to computer person.

2:30 update (Dave is obviously cheering for Jacksonville) ... Bellarmine controlled the start of the 3rd qtr but JU still leads 11-9. 15 mins away from history.

2:55 -- anxiously awaiting game result. Dave hasn't tweeted for almost half an hour. I'm hoping that means Bellarmine won!

3:00 update! I deduced correctly! Bellarmine wins!!!! 14-13! That was close!! -- Dave tweets, JU loses an absolute heartbreaker to Bellarmine 14-13. Defensive breakdowns killed in the 2nd half. They lost that one...

3:25 update -- Luke phoned. He said it was a pretty intense game. He sounded very happy about the win. He got one goal and one assist. He says it's pretty cool to be on a campus with palm trees everywhere. Even though it's been uncommonly cold in Florida, Luke said is was a nice day there ... warm and sunny. They'll have dinner and go to a movie tonight and then fly back to Louisville tomorrow.

Kevin Found Lacrosse Tweets - Bellarmine WINS!!

Norma, They're PERFECT!

See, Norma! Here are the bins on the day you gifted them to me. And then ... see the bins filled with sewing projects??!!

Thanks so much! They're perfect. Previously, all of this STUFF was in various cardboard boxes, plastic bags, and old suitcases. And now look how tidy and accessible they look!! And best is that I can actually see what's in them! Now I can truly be haunted by all my undone projects. I think a little haunting can be a good thing.

Thanks, Norma!

Norma, They're PERFECT!

Saturday Olympic Hair Review

Welcome to my podium. It's growing hair. Slowly. Notice how it's getting a little curlier?

We watched last night's Olympic Opening Extravaganza with Rex and Erin. Man, it was LONG! Some lovely moments and much sadness for the Georgian team but generally (don't hate me), I thought it was too long. Some very pretty effects at times, though, and I loved hearing k.d. lang sing Leonard Cohen. I would like to have heard Leonard himself, of course, but I was glad to hear his song represented so beautifully. I have k.d. lang's cd, Hymns of the 49th Parallel, with that on it.

Rex and Erin brought Coco over (she and Otto had a previous flirtation at the firm a couple of years ago during harvest). Sadly, though, despite Coco's rapt attention and posturing, Otto seemed a little freaked out. A doggie valentine experience was no to be.

I made those yummy oatmeal pancakes again this morning and used Saskatoons instead of blueberries! Quite a different flavour and SOOO good! I also discovered, at the back of a cupboard, some leftover Chokecherry syrup. BONUS!!

Kevin is pacing while we're watching some Olympic events. He's a bit jittery because we have no way of tracking Luke's game. The University of Jacksonville isn't broadcasting it or providing live states or updates of any kind. We'll have to wait until we hear from Luke. Maybe some parent will kindly email the rest of us at inverals ... or send tweets ... or something.

I'm making some more progress upstairs. Just wait and see, Norma!

Saturday Olympic Hair Review

Otto Lou Who

I just noticed that Otto's back paws remind me of some Seuss character.

Otto Lou Who