I know it's silly to feel so elated when really nothing is any different. It's not like I had a new test done that confirmed anything new. It was just hearing ... from an Oncologist ... those words that have been so longed for ... CANCER-FREE! The psychological impact is significant. It was Lesley who reminded me in an email about the title of my blog ... I'm Here. Might As Well Win. For the first time, I feel kind of like I have won! I? WE! We've won! There's no I in team, after all and I've sure needed my faithful team to get this far. Thanks so much, team! Isn't this when we go for a beer after the game? I'll have to get on that.
Here's a ridiculous sign of suddenly feeling more normal. When I got groceries on Tuesday night, I bought deoderant. "Say, WHAT?" you might be thinking! "You mean you haven't been using deoderant?" Well, no I haven't. It's just not done after surgery in that general area, of course. And then there was chemo. And then radiation ... a no deoderant zone. Because the chemo and drug-induced hot flashes have made me so sweaty and, subsequently, stinky (oh, the things I confess - I really have no dignity), at some point I did buy some natural deoderant product but it felt awful. Having lost the "pit" part of my armpit (it's quite filled in on my left side now even though, having lost a couple of nodes from there, you would think I'd have more rather than less "pit"), and with the stickiness of the deoderant, my clothes stuck to it. Very irritating. And then it was too hard to wash off. That was the end of deoderant for me. And then there's another factor. As I understand it, it's not uncommon after a cancer diagnosis to be afraid of all kinds of commercial products ... and rightly so in many cases ... and for that reason, too, I was afraid of deoderant. So on Tuesday ... after being told I was "normal" (HA!! Save the jokes!) ... I sought out real deoderant while I was grocery shopping. I looked for one that might glide on easily. Even though I have to put it on with a very gentle touch and it does hurt a little, it does work and it helps me feel more normal and less odourous! It's a good thing. The people near me will surely agree! I might not feel normal yet but I feel like ... just maybe ... I'm slowly approaching someone more like myself. The next thing is to make a hair appointment and see if Van has any hair magic for me up his sleeve! I'd best not get my hopes up but just maybe he can shape this ball of fuzz a little. Between this psychological lift I've been gifted with and a weekend with naturally gifted in the hair department Carol, I'm feeling somewhat hopeful that perhaps my hair can be made to look slightly less crazy. Of course, I'll report here when that happens.
As you can see, I've been playing with the acorn caps Lisa sent me. Hers is the white one. My photo doesn't do it justice ... it's perfect. Lisa is obviously very skilled. The copper top is very pretty, too. The wool being white, it really reflected the light. I need to take a photo of it in natural light.
Before I can really make woolly acorns, though, we have to finish our hallway project. The floor refinishers didn't come today to do the second coat ... we're not sure why ... but we're hoping they come tomorrow so we can start painting the baseboards and fix the stair risers.
Now me and my cancer-free body are going to bed. ****BIG GRIN****