A Peppier Day

Yesterday, aside from my walk and playing with Wordle, the day was pretty much a write off. I think I can attribute that to lack of sleep. I had trouble sleeping two nights ago. I came downstairs and curled up on the sofa at 3:00 and watched a whole movie (The Claim - tragic Thomas Hardy), after which I fell asleep. But I didn't sleep long enough and I was left feeling a little draggy all day even though I made myself go out for a walk. Otto needed it and ... well ... so did I. I had hoped to be refreshed after the walk but between being tired already and my joints protesting and feeling like a slight cold might be getting me, I laid low.

Last night I slept better. Exhaustion will do that, you know. Otto was happy to jump up on the bed and take Kevin's spot except that he insisted on having his nose stuck under my arm pit. Whatever. I slept. And I feel better for it. I slept those cold symptoms away, too, it seems.

I'm squeaky clean and have done my full body exam. A few little hairs are starting on the upper part of my shins. That's progress. The ones on the bottom of my legs are getting longer but are growing very oddly. Patchy. There will be a little clumb (well, not like a hobbit type clump) in one area, then a bare patch, and then a few straggly ones. Weird. You can hardly see where the skin tags had been on the right side of my neck. While the left side certainly looks better than it did, there is some raised red skin where two of them had been. I'm sure it will diminish a bit soon. My head hair is getting thicker. It's getting that "teddy bear" feeling that Berny described. At last! No moustache yet. That's a good thing! HAHA! I

It's time to go for groceries. Big undertaking.

The flowers and plant life above are from the Conservatory.

A Peppier Day

Sponge Bob Sighting

Enough playing with Wordle for today! This is why I didn't get Christmas boxes put away today.

Otto and I did get out for a walk though. We did the same route as yesterday mostly because I knew there was an open area where we could play catch and maybe we would find the ball we lost yesterday. We did play catch. We did not find the lost ball. The thing about NOT losing the ball is that I had to put it somewhere when we were ready to walk again. If I keep it in my hand, Otto is constantly waiting for me to throw it. So I had to put the very slimy thing in my pocket. ICK!!

On the way home we spotted Sponge Bob. He looked desparate. He was either kidnapped or he had cabin fever.

I had a nice, long chat with cousin Lori and we've arranged to go for lunch next week before I start back to work.

I'm pretty hobbly again today. At least I'm not surprised. Fingers and arms stiff. Whatever!

You should have seen Otto last night at bedtime. He came up to our room as always but this time he came to my side of the bed and rested his chin on the bed beside my pillow and stared at me with those sad, lonely eyes. We invited him up and lickity split he was snuggled between us soaking up all the dual attention. He was reluctant to get off the bed and kept burying his nose and eyes under our pillows ... "you can't see me" ... "I can't hear you".

Today. No groceries. No Kevin. He's at an annual board meeting retreat so I don't really need to get groceries until tomorrow. Tomorrow. That's when I'll do more. Yeah! Tomorrow. Sure.

Sponge Bob Sighting

And Again ... In So Many Ways

And Again ... In So Many Ways

Thanks again!

Thanks again!

Look Into My Mirror ...

Hi Team!

You've been Romper-Roomed! I made a list of all of your first names, copied them into Wordle and came out with a whole bunch of different ways to visualize my thanks to all of you. This is just one example.

Please let me know if I've missed a name. There are so many of you, I'm afraid that while I was listing from the top of my head that I might have missed a name or two.

Click on the image to see a much larger and more readable format!

Look Into My Mirror ...

I Saw My Shadow. It was BIG! What Does That Mean?

Otto took me for a nice, long walk today! We walked down the street to the river, played catch with a brand new ball for a while ... until we lost the ball ... then along the trail by the river to Broadway, up the hill, down Broadway and then home. It was a good route in that Otto was all peed out by the time we got to Broadway so he didn't have to stop and pee on everything there. Along the way we met a beautiful Airedale Terrier who would have loved to romp in the snow with Otto. It was quite the trip for a farm dog like Otto, I think. The above photo is of Otto looking for his ball. We poked in the snow, dug, and kicked about for a long while with no luck.

When we got home, Otto needed a lot of affection so we sat on the couch together for a while and there was lots of hands on.

As much as I'm enjoying walking outside, it might be the cold that makes my joints feel worse. I felt quite crippled all afternoon. My arms and elbows especially feel stiff and not just stiff, but very weak. And, of course, I hobble about like an ancient person until I get moving. It's frustrating to me that not only is the joint problem persisting, but that sometimes it seems worse again. There doesn't seem to be any logic to it. Mind you, I've long stopped looking for "logic". If the Vitamin D boost was the reason for earlier improvements, I don't think it lasted, though I might be inclined to give it credit for the relative clearing of my brain. My mind still feels like it's operating on a much improved level compared to where it was before last week. I'm grateful for that.

I twisted off that last skin tag tonight! It was so ready to drop so I gave it a little help. All gone! Yeah!!

Tonight Laurel and I walked at the PAC (at the University). I, having been there twice by now, was able to show Laurel around. We walked for about 5,000 steps. Add that to my earlier walk and I did very good today! **a little pat on the back to myself** Once I get walking, you wouldn't guess that I have any joint problems at all. But the minute I stop, I start seizing up right away. When I got out of Laurel's truck, I shuffled stiff-legged all the way to the house. Unbelievable!! I just shake my head. I don't understand it.

I got comforting emails from Norma and Nora today. Norma told me of a friend of hers who experienced TJM (jaw problems) after she finished chemo, but that it eventually went away. Nora shared some heads-up experiences with Tamoxifen. I appreciate the information ... and the giggles. I'm always better off armed with information ... and giggles.

I should have got groceries today. Our cupboards are bare. But with the extra snow, I thought I would wait until tomorrow. And then, to top things off, a plough came down our street and pushed all the snow from the street up against any parked cars. It actually made things worse since were were all managing to get our cars in and out and maneuver the street since that big dump of snow ... until now. Digging out again!

Tomorrow ... groceries. And maybe those Christmas boxes? Don't hold your breath. I've been avoided them by giving my attention to some clutter in the family room. Clutter in our family room could take AGES to deal with!

Kevin and Otto have gone over to Dwayne's tonight so Otto can meet Dexter, Dwayne's bearded collie.

I have to tell you about the beautiful book that I ordered from Amazon and that came today. It's called Monday Hearts for Madelene and is by Page Hodel. Partial royalties from the sale of the book go to the Women's Cancer Resource Center in California. It's lovely and so is the story behind it. It's a Valentine Day present to myself. The following is copied from Amazon.ca.

When a person falls in love, the universe—and everything in it—come vividly alive. It happened to San Francisco artist Page Hodel when she found the love of her life, Madalene Rodriguez. She expressed her devotion in an unusual way: Early every Monday morning, Page would create a heart for Madalene and leave it for her to discover somewhere near her front door. Tragically, Madalene died of ovarian cancer less than a year after she and Page met. But Page’s love goes on, beautifully symbolized in the hearts she continues to create from a plenitude of objects.

I also bought the box of 20 assorted notecards depicting 5 of the images. After seeing these beautiful heart creations, I'll be looking in the pantry, drawers, cupboards, and the yard a little differently ... in a good way.

I Saw My Shadow. It was BIG! What Does That Mean?

Hugged By A Snowman

I love this snowman with his super extended arms and multiple fingers! He looks like he's going to hug the world! I saw him on 8th street while I was walking with Otto.

Day 2 on Tamoxifen. No hot flashes yet. Amen!

One skin tag left to exit stage left. The others are healing nicely.

Jaw - I thought I was in the clear and then an ache developed last night before I went to bed.

Joints ... disappointingly bothersome. I looked back through my blog, though, and realized that I am now just 2 months off Arimidex and not 2.5 months like I'd been thinking. That makes me feel a LITTLE better. Some women reported longer before the stiffness subsided. Yesterday I found my arms especially stiff and weak. This might have been because of the work I was doing in the house ... it probably just brought attention to it. Lifting the silver chest down from on top of the china cabinet had never been an issue before but this time I really struggled to lift it back up there in particular. And my left elbow really ached to bend it. My arms are pretty stiff today and no "exercise stiff".

Aside from all that nonsense ... the snow is pretty! Otto and I will go out for a walk in a little while.

I'm thinking of becoming a Macaron Master. Macarons (not to be confused with Macaroons) are the latest sweet treat craze since cupcakes and they appear to be VERY tricky to accomplish. Here's a tutorial that I've tucked away for the day I decide to try them. They're so pretty! While I was looking for information about them, I found other interesting stuff. If you want to try your hand at decorating cookies or cupcakes, the blog Sweetopia has the some very good tutorials and some amazing instructions for Olympic Mascot cookies.

Hugged By A Snowman

Monday Good Day

I've had a pretty good day today. It was good to tone things down a bit. If it hadn't been for Otto, I wouldn't have gone outside for a walk today but I thought it was important to get Otto out for a good walk so walk we did. We were out for about 45 minutes and I think it was great for both of us. We walked down to the river and along the riverbank for a bit and then down Sask Crescent where we stopped in briefly to say Hi to Laurel. Otto met Eddie, Ellie and Gus! We didn't stay for long since I was all bundled up. Walking with Otto takes a while because he is compelled to stop at every corner, pole, tree, fence, etc. for a good sniff and, often, to mark. We did not keep a steady pace, but that was just fine with me.

After that, Otto helped me dust and polish furniture. He only left my side when I brought out the vacuum. My joints were pretty stiff after walking. Maybe being out in the cold acerbates the stiffness.

No hot flash yet. Yeah!!

Monday Good Day

Tamoxifen - Day 1

This morning I start my Tamoxifen. It's the drug I'm to take for the next 5 years ... replacing the more effective (for my circumstances) Arimidex that I started but was unable to tolerate. Do your best, Tamoxifen! As for your worst ... please have mercy! I do fully expect the return of hot flashes, though. I hope they're no worse than previously, which were merely annoying and slightly disruptive. I know some people have worse experiences. I know they're a lot easier to manage if you're in the comfort and privacy of your own home and if you can whip off your hair whenever one strikes.

I'm happy to say that my skin tags were dropping like flies yesterday! I only have one of 6 left. I wonder where they go? I think I'll sweep, vacuum, and wash our sheets today. There are just little red spots where the 5 missing skin tags were and all but one of those are completely flat and look like they'll heal with nary a mark to show where they'd been. That's good.

Joints ... the same stiffness I've come to expect, though I wake up every day hoping to be more limber. It's too early to say for sure how they'll be for the day.

Last night I thought I felt a slight cold starting. This morning, it's hard to tell. I hope it's nothing. I've been so lucky in that department all considered. I haven't had a cold or a flu for over a year now. When you consider how vulnerable my health has been off an on during the year, it's amazing really!

Yesterday I was so tired. We went to Don and Syl's for a lovely dinner and then, after we were home, I tried to stay awake for the Grammy's but couldn't do it. Pink's performance was freakin' amazing! I wanted to see Elton John and Lady GaGa perform but I can probably catch it on YouTube. Of course, I could have PVR'd it but that didn't occur to me at the time. DUH!!

I had a nice, long, thought-provoking chat with Hannah last night. She always has interesting thoughts and ideas to share. Her brain must be stretched to capacity inside her skull for all the interesting stuff going on in it. She's so inspired by theoretical thinking ... and memory ... and knowledge ... and history ... and visual arts ... and writing ... and the art of printed formats ... and ... well ... lots of things ... and yet she's firmly pragmatic. It's a wonder she sleeps. She's doing just fine and is so looking forward to her trip to New York on the 12th.

We talked to Luke briefly, too. His team, the Bellarmine Knights, had their first exhibition game on Sunday. It didn't go as good for them as they had hoped. He said the team didn't play very good in general and his hip pointer injury made it hard for him to pivot. Pivoting is important in lacrosse, especially for an attacker, which is his position. He needs to do some healing yet. He would have gotten home at 4 or 5 this morning. A long, late bus ride.

Tamoxifen - Day 1

Just In Case You're Still Hungry

Just In Case You're Still Hungry

Some Food For Your Soul, Too!

Some Food For Your Soul, Too!

Feeding the Soul

You can always count on Laura to not just know how to feed the soul but to actually think to take the time to do it! So I was very lucky to have her phone me today and invite me with her to the conservatory at The Mendel. It was wonderful to breathe in the fresh, humid scents and to see all those lively colours ... so many shades of greens and wonderful contrasts and textures. It was an amazing and welcome change from winter.

We also took in the gallery and saw some very amazing works. I was especially smitten with the work by Ed Pien! I'm so glad I saw it and I might just have to see it again! Here's the link to the Mendel's current exhibitions where his and the works of the other artists are described. About the most amazing part of the Ed Pien exhibit ...

"the exhibition features the first Canadian showing of Haven, a work that was created for the Bellevue Art Museum in Washington State. This imposing installation includes five interlocking paper structures that form a labyrinthine space bounded by jagged hedges, into which visitors are invited to venture. Inside the structures, sound and video elements intermingle with paper vines from which various peculiar figures emerge."

It's worth making the time to stop in at the Mendel to see it! It's great food for both the spirit and the imagination.

Feeding the Soul

I'm a Better Wing Man Than a Bidder

Last night was Lou and Neil's much anticipated Kaiser Tourney! It was great fun! Good food, plentiful drinks, and super company! Even though I've only played kaiser twice before with Patty and Ron, who were also there, I wasn't very nervous because there were others with as little experience as me and some who had never played before at all. Of course, there were the usual sharks!

I must mention that Lou has a special way of making each person feel welcome. In my case, Lou kept her own Christmas decorations up so I wouldn't feel so bad about not having my Christmas decoration boxes put away. How generous of spirit is that?! Someone had the great idea to award the winner of the tournament with Lou's and Neil's GIANT Christmas tree. As it turned out, Dave, the winner, has a smart car. It would have been such a hoot to see that Christmas tree strapped on top of it!

Thanks Lou and Neil for a great time!

I'm a Better Wing Man Than a Bidder

The Boys Are Alright!

Just in case Darrel and Lynn are checking in, Otto is doing just fine! He's been hanging a lot with Kevin and has been fascinated with the fish tanks. Kevin went to bed before me last night and when I got up there, Otto was well settled in ... in MY spot. He wasn't too happy about me trying to claim some space for myself either. After getting squished, he begrudgingly vacated the bed and slept on his own bed beside Kevin.

The Boys Are Alright!

Hair Confidential

Be amazed! I'm growing more hair! It's a bit unruly, don't you think? I broke out the brush.

Here, too, is a photo of me in my new back-to-work wig. It's dark, which is more like my real hair ... if you blur your eyes so as to block out the grey hairs.

Hair Confidential

My So Called Life

This is how we know that Otto has been playing Goldilocks while we're out of the house. It's also evidence of the fact that Otto is a male since he has no tolerance for cushions on the sofas! The cushions from the love seat were on the floor last night when we got home from dinner. During the night Otto had tossed the cushions off of the hide-a-bed sofa across from the one pictured here. I wonder when he'll decide which one is juuuuust right? Then I'll put a blankie on that one for him.

Yesterday I saw my dentist. She said the part of my tooth that broke off was pretty fragile in the first place there being a large filling in that tooth already. It needs to be crowned but in the meantime, she filed it smooth and put some sealer over the exposed nerve that may have been the cause of the radiating pain I've been experiencing. Other than that, what I describe ... the clicking and the pain ... sounds to her like I grind or clench my teeth in my sleep. Apparently, my teeth don't look like they've been ground so she suspects I've been clenching, which is possible. I do catch myself clenching sometimes when I'm awake and make conscious efforts to relax my jaw when I notice it. I'm having a mouth guard made that I can wear at night and hopefully that will help. She feels that the radiation in particular will have been hard on my teeth and jaw bones and that the drugs will probably also have had an impact.

I bought new hair yesterday while I was out and about! I looked at the place in Grosvenor (Lots of Looks) since that's where my dentist is, too, but I didn't see anything that looked like me. So I stopped downtown and picked up the one I'd already set my sights on at the Bay. It's quite dark ... more like my real hair (well, except for the greys) and less straight. Most of the wigs I've seen are either perm-curly or quite straight and this one is a more "textured" and messy looking. More like me than the others I've looked at. Now that I'm not so pale and have brows and eyelashes again, I can better wear dark hair again. I also felt I needed something to go back to work with. My other wigs are past their best before dates and are looking quite dull and a bit ratty where they rub on my collar. And I'm not quite ready for going au naturel, as Berny puts it. So I have a work wig. And a nice change. I was getting pretty sick of my wig. Keep in mind that it might sound great to have hair that doesn't change ... doesn't grow ... doesn't need colouring ... looks just the same every day. It's not all it's cracked up to be. A change can be very welcome. I'll remind myself of that when I start having for real "bad hair days" again.

Last night Kevin and I went out for dinner with Kelly and Chantelle. We first met at Las Palapos but were told it would be an hour wait so we decided to check out Bliss on Broadway and 9th. I was the only one who had ever been there and it had only been for lunch, which was very nice. It was a bit alarming when we got there to see that there was only one other table occupied ... on a Friday night ... in Saskatoon! That alone makes one suspicious. Though more people came later the restaurant only reached half capacity on the main floor and I suspect they wouldn't put people upstairs until the more visible downstairs was filled. Anyway, we stayed and had a very tasty meal. It was very good, in fact. The only problem is that there was so little of it. The portions are mighty small. Even for me they were small. Kevin and Kelly probably needed a snack when they got home. And at the price, it's no surprise to me that there are a lot of empty tables. With portions that small, you really do need to order an appetizer and a separate soup or salad and we were still so hungry, we had desert and that's not something that happens very often. All of those extra dishes on top of pricey main dishes makes for a very costly meal, even if it is very good. There are other places in Saskatoon where you can get wonderful taste experiences with more quantity and less overall cost. So I'll diss Bliss for their management but commend them for their menu, deliciousness and artistry. The flavours in our main course and the soup Kevin ordered were quite fabulous. Everything is made from scratch! The homemade crackers they bring with hummus and bread before the meal are really yummy, too. Kudos to the chefs but I would suggest they add at least a hearty side serving of vegetables to their main courses. I don't regret going and I really enjoyed my meal but I don't see myself choosing to go there again despite the deliciousness factor. Of course, the best part of the meal was the good company. At one point Chantelle and I were laughing so hard at our silly men that my ribs actually hurt. Happy Birthday, Kelly!

We came home to disheveled sofas and Otto, who was evidently happy to see us! Otto was even in bed with us for a little while this morning.

This morning I slept late ... until 10:00 ... and then Carol picked me up and we met Pat at Grainfields for breakfast. I love breakfast ... eggs benedict ... yummmm. We always have such a hoot together. Carol and I had a little incident on the way there precipitated, I believe, by the fact that I usually have breakfast as soon as I wake up and I didn't this morning because we were GOING for breakfast. So I got up and had half an hour to get ready, which is easy enough to do when you can just slap a wig on your head. I did have my pomegranate juice and pills before Carol got here, though. As I was watching for her at the window, my stomach felt a little icky. Just after we pulled on to 8th street I said to Carol (to the memorable strains of Air Supply's "I'm All Out Of Love"), "I think I'm going to throw up ... you might want to get into the right lane". So she pulls over, I open the door to get some air and then ... yes ... I lose it. Ewwww! Carol said I should have taken a picture for the blog. NOT!! It looked like a pile of pills in a puddle of wine ... in the snow. I should have kicked snow over it, at least. I wish I had. Anyway ... I was fine after that and I ate a hearty breakfast and had many laughs with Pat and Carol. I'm perfectly fine, though it's a lesson to me to remember to have SOMETHING solid in my stomach before I do pills and pomegranate juice! So much for my self-proclaimed "stomach of steel"!

Happy Birthday, Rex!

My So Called Life

Otto: The Test Dog

Otto is here! Darrel and Sylvia dropped him off this morning. Darrel had a hard time leaving his pup behind. Otto only cried for a minute or two about 10 minutes after Darrel left and then he crawled up onto the couch with me and snuggled in for a while. We've had lunch together, have been up and down the stairs doing some laundry, and we had a nap together, too.

I'm dismayed to report that my limbs are worse than they've been for a week! My joints are aching a bit again after being ache-free for a week. I noticed it in the night last night. I woke up a couple of times with aching fingers and knee. I'm also slower moving today. Why? I just don't get it! Yesterday I dropped from the 20,000 IU of Vitamin D per day (which I took for one week) to 10,000 IU per day but I can't see any logic in that making any difference. It's not like I've lowered my Vitamin D levels. This bum limb business is so frustrating!!

I'm still hoping these skin tags will drop off ... maybe today? It's encouraging that one is gone and there's just a little flat, painless red mark where it was. That's great!

I have my dental appointment this afternoon and let's hope that takes care of the jaw pain I've been experiencing.

Don't ask me how this happened, but somehow I ended up watching Cowboy Country on TV while I ate my lunch. It was just on in the background ... I didn't actually select it. And then I caught the name "Rempel" and I paid attention! There were John and Wade Rempel giving a tour and a talk about the miniatures John made replicating the old Matador Ranch! How cool is that??!! I've never seen the miniatures but now it's on my bucket list. I think I have an in for a personal tour. Out of all the channels on tv, how I ended up watching Cowboy Country (of all things ... that's not usually how I roll) and then it being that particular episode (the Rempels being friends from Kyle) makes you believe in kizmit!

I also watched Parks and Recreation for the first time. I had PVR'd it and so could watch it in the morning before my nap. I just have to say that Amy Poehler at one particularly funny instance reminded me of splurge club Alana! Uncanny!! That gives you some additional idea of how nutty my splurge club pals are!

Otto: The Test Dog

Would You Like A Little Cheese With That Whine?

Today I just felt worse and worse as the day progressed. By tonight, though, my arm doesn't feel swollen ... at least not very much. Doing nothing all day might have been a good idea. That's not true. I did do something. I oiled our butcher block. So there.

I went out for a little while since Kevin had so kindly dug my car out, but I wasn't out for long. I just didn't feel up to it so I came home. The things I was going to do can wait until tomorrow when I go out in the afternoon for my dental appointment. Those skin tags were hurting today and my jacket bothered them. One of them finally fell off, though, and I'm happy about that. I hope the rest are close behind. There's a bit of redness around each one of them now so that's probably why they hurt. With my white blood cell counts and neutrophils still below normal, perhaps I infect more easily than I would otherwise.

I also had a couple of nasty jaw aches today. One is just subsiding now. It came on so quickly, I wasn't able to catch it with tylenol so I was pretty miserable for about half an hour before the tylenol took hold.

I felt chilled all day and have had two hot baths by now. I'll soon be crawling into bed to read for a while. Hopefully I'll sleep better tonight. Last night my skin tags bothered me and I didn't sleep well.

The untouched Tamoxifen sitting in my cupboard is weighing on my mind. I had hoped that the Arimidex side effects would be gone by now but who knows how long they'll last? I'm just believing they WILL be gone and won't be permanent. I had hoped to start the Tamoxifen while not dealing with side effects from other things but I think I'll just have to start it, ready or not. I'm also a little nervous about starting it after my Arimidex experience. And I must say, I haven't missed those hot flashes. I think it's a given that they'll start again once I'm on Tamoxifen. Hot flashes or cancer? Hmmmm ... I think I'll pick hot flashes! I think I'll start the Tamoxifen next Monday.
February 1.

Well, I really have a list of gripes today, don't I?! I'm done whining now! I expect things will be better tomorrow after a good, long sleep!

Would You Like A Little Cheese With That Whine?

What NOT To Read

An Arsonist's Guide to Writers' Homes In New England by Brock Clarke.

Don't waste your time. Nuff said.

I'm a sucker for novels about books, authors, libraries, and librarians. Usually I'm pleasantly surprised. Not this time.

What NOT To Read