Snow Day!

This is the main part of our cd collection ... all properly organized and alphabetized! Ain't it a think of beauty?!!

It's a snow day for me today! I had to cancel my dental appointment this morning. RATS!! I was able to reschedule for Friday, though, so at least I don't have to wait very long. Kevin was going to be able to get me there this morning and I had planned on taking a bus down 8th street to Broadway or Victoria, which is as far as they go, and then walk the rest of the way. But we since learned that most of the buses won't be running so I canned that idea and decided to just stay home. Kevin shoveled himself out and off he went to pick up some other stranded SARCAN employees to get them to work where he needed them. Not bad service if you can get it!

My jaw seems fine this morning. It doesn't hurt ... yet ... and the clicking is only very subtle. I hope it doesn't get worse. I find it very disturbing, having never had jaw problems before and because I don't understand why it would even be happening.

I hope it's a snow day for you, too. This is not the kind of snow anyone wants to be out driving in unless you're a CRAZY person ... which explains Kevin.

Snow Day!

A Good Day To Stay Inside ...

... and alphabetize!! So much for putting away those boxes of Christmas decorations. I embraced a big organizational and alphabetization project instead.

Through the advancing technologies, our cds have become a mess. I planned to simply add some cds to my iPod but one thing led to another. Sometimes I would open a case and it would be empty or the wrong cd would be inside it. So ... I ended up gathering cds from the cars and from various places in the house (since they've outgrown our cd stand) and then I checked every single case to make sure the right cd was in the right case. I'm left with cds with no cases and a few cases with no cds. And I know my Best of the Bee Gees cd is simply missing. Harrumph! Anyway, once that was done, I had to categorize our collection a little bit so that the largest part of it could fit in our cd stand. This means we now have separate collections of Soundtracks, Reggae, Jazz & Blues, Electronica, Seasonal Music, Classical Music, and mixed cds we've burned ourselves. They're all housed among the books for now. This, incuding uploading onto my computer, took ALL day! A good indoor project on a wintery day! But it's done!

Kevin did much shoveling and managed to get the car out for a bit, too.

I had really hoped my joints would be more improved by now. It seems that my bones aside from the joints feel better and my hips, in particular are improved. So that's good, I guess.

I do have a relatively new issue, though ... sigh ... and I don't have a clue why this is happening. If you recall, a chunk broke away from the front of my upper left back tooth on January 2. The tooth didn't hurt so I didn't feel it was an emergency and I booked the next available appointment with my dentist, which is tomorrow. Then ... about 10 days ago ... my jaw suddenly started clicking when I chewed. It didn't hurt but there was this odd clicking sound. Not all the time. Just sometimes. Then ... three days ago, I started getting radiating pain in the back of my jaw on the left side (the same side as my deteriorating tooth). It's been bad enough that I have to take tylenol for it. It's not constant but at some point I will feel it starting and then it just gets worse and worse until I knock it back with some tylenol and then I don't have trouble again for at least another 12 hours ... long after the tylenol should have worn off. And THEN ... this afternoon ... my jaw started locking and then clicking quite loudly, whenever I closed my mouth and not just when I was chewing. It will occassionally lock in position and when I move it, it makes a louder clicking sound and I can feel it jolt in and out of place. WTF???!!! I'm not prone to jaw and tooth problems, so what's going on??? I know I read about some women suspecting that the Arimidex was causing them problems with their teeth and jaws but I've been off the Arimidex now for 2 months and this is just starting now so I don't see how it could be causing the problem. I hope my Dentist has some ideas tomorrow but I fear she won't have a clue!

Two steps forward. One step back. At least our cds are in order ... ALPHABETICAL order!

Good luck snow wrangling tomorrow!

A Good Day To Stay Inside ...

A Fun Night at Splurge!

I wouldn't even have gone if Kevin hadn't offered to drive me! It's NUTS out there! And Gail's house if so far from ours! But I'm so glad I was able to go because everyone else who wasn't on vacation made it, too! It was fun and Gail put on a real feast. We had a "regift exchange", too, which was good for some laughs. Gail is wearing the slippers Bonnie and I "regifted" specifically to her. These slippers are long storied. They got their start at a Splurge Christmas gift exchange. Bonnie wore them so much, she wore holes in their soles. She then so kindly passed them on to me to keep my feet warm and comfy while I was going through chemo. Now that I'm so done with that, we decided to pass them on to Gail for her dubious response when she first saw them! We patched the holes for her, though, in a way that will always remind her of the slipper's predecessors. Gail's not one to walk all over people but now she has no choice! Bonnie suggested we call our splurge group "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Slippers".

Gail made something for me, too. She had promised me an award when I finished all this cancer treatment business and here it is! YEAH!!!

Kevin picked me up from splurge tonight and we slipped and slid and ploughed snow all the way home. Kevin got parked on our street but I don't know that we'll be getting out again anytime soon.

Tomorrow will be a good day to just stay home ... watch a movie ... put away Christmas boxes ... alphabetize ...

A Fun Night at Splurge!

Not Much More Hair to Brag About

I guess I can't expect there to be evidential growth EVERY week! I don't see any difference between this week and last. Next week, though ... BE AMAZED!! Last week, by the way, Cheryl told me that she noticed I had more hair than Obama! I took a second look and, at the time, I could see that my hairline was, in fact, very Obamaish. I'd have to get it cut now if I wanted to keep that look. NOT!

Last night was a quiet night at home. We phoned in our donation for Haiti. I can't imagine ...

We had a short conversation with Luke. He was in too much pain to talk for long. He'd taken a nasty hit during practice that afternoon and was suffering a hip pointer injury. He was icing his hip and using an electro-stimulus pad that the trainers had given him but he was still in a lot of pain. We talked to him again after he'd taken some Advil and he was doing a little better. This might sideline him for a week or two and he might have to miss their exhibition game next week, but it's something that will heal relatively quickly. Ouch, though.

Kevin and I each had a long conversation with Hannah. She was in the mood to visit ... moments I treasure. She can make me laugh so much! She'd had a tough week. She spent most of her time holed up in her apartment preparing to give a 3 hour seminar Thursday morning on the CP Rail. THREE HOURS!! She was able to spend about an hour of it touring the class through special collections in the library at UBC where they have artifacts and ephemera. But man ... 3 hours! That's a long time for the person giving the seminar and for the people listening. If you want to know anything about CP Rail, just ask Hannah. She then spent yesterday treating herself well after finishing that seminar. She met friends for coffee and breakfast ... walked the seawall (15 degrees and sunny in Vancouver so she loved being outside). She did a lot of walking and had a very good day. Her observations about life and herself slay me! One night last week she ate half a cabbage for dinner ... just half a cabbage. It was a big one and organic and really good, she said. Not bitter ... kind of sweet ... so she ate more than she thought she would. Later she wondered if it was bad to eat so much cabbage in one sitting, so she looked it up (that's my girl) and learned that the only possible unfortunate result is that it could neutralize your iodine, so she then ate a handful of sea kelp that she had in her cupboard. She had already been aware that it could cause gas and so she'd taken care of that with some particular kind of tea she had on hand. To me, that's hilarious. Who eats half a cabbage for dinner? And then who has all that stuff on hand to counter the nastier effects? Funny.

Today I feel alright. The stiff joints are still there but the achiness has subsided considerably. I stopped talking the Tylenol Arthritis about three days ago and things have improved since then. I had long suspected that the Tylenol wasn't helping at all but I kept taking it ... just in case. The Vitamin D and, perhaps, other things ARE helping and maybe, too, the Arimidex is really starting to clear out.

My radiation burns are healing so nicely! I can still see the edges of the burns but everything within that is looking like a much faded tan. Even the part on my back isn't quite so freckledy looking. I have just a little bit of skin on one edge that looks like it will still flake off and then the peeling part will be completely finished. I still need to apply lots or rich lotion to the area, though. If I neglect lotion for a while, I can feel the tightening of the skin and it will feel papery to the touch. I'm lucky and glad that I'm not finding that the radiation caused any lingering limitation in my range of motion for that arm ... no more limited than it has become anyway, I mean ... not like my right shoulder with the impingement syndrome. All of me has some limited range of motion these days. I need to keep up my exercises but I've been a bad girl, Lynne, and I haven't done them for the past three days. I've been moving more in general, though, so that's a good thing. Still, I know I need the more specific exercises.

I hope nobody is traveling today. It's obviously not a good day to be on highways. But it is pretty and white outside!

Not Much More Hair to Brag About

Warning: Parental Gushing!

Hannah is published. She sent me a copy of the journal and it arrived today. She'll be mortified that I'm talking about it here. Oh well.

She was asked to write an article for Chop, a journal "dedicated to the examination and development of the discourse around contemporary printmaking and Print Culture in Canada and abroad"). She got paid for it, too! The special topic of the issue is "conflict". Her article is entitled, "Spatial Arrangement and Information Transfer in Sandow Birk's The Depravities of War", Chop (2009) 34(2): 15-21. And yes, I'm burstin' with pride!

If you're interested in knowing who Sandow Birk is and seeing his work in the series, The Depravities of War, here is the link.

There's good news for Don, too! He's home from the hospital! He's feeling better and all the tests suggest nothing to worry about except that he seems to be allergic to most antibiotics!

I'm happy to say that all seems to be getting better for me, tool! My joints aren't out of the woods yet, but things suddenly seem more promising. Also, I notice that ... and this is hard to describe or explain ... but my brain feels more open and nimble. Like it's come out of a fog. Not just a fog but out of a very tight, little box. It's a good feeling.

Erin and I walked last night for another 50 minutes. This time I remembered to take my step counter and logged 5,578 steps (10,000 steps = 5 miles or 8 km). Then I sat in for a while at a planning meeting for next summer's National Lacrosse Tournament, which we're hosting here in Saskatoon. It will mean lots of work but it will be exciting to have it here. Kevin is in charge of the organizing committee. Big job. Last year was Luke's last year to play, though. Now he's too old. But he might help coach.

Today, Patty, Sharon and I had the luxury of time over lunch at Bliss! It was wonderful to get together and none of us had to rush away. I hadn't been there before and I found it very nice. I liked the menu. Conveniently, Bliss is situated right beside Sandbox In The City and so ... well ... like I said, we had the luxury of time. We just looked, though.

Then, a few errands and here I am at home beaming about seeing our daughter published. Not to be left out, we found Luke's name in the Inside Lacrosse Yearbook this past weekend, too. It lists all the college Division I and II teams for the coming college lacrosse season and talks about the teams and players to watch. There are a lot of speculative articles and commentary. And there was Luke's name in the article about the Bellarmine Knights. No pressure, Luke.

I'm done gushing. For now.

Warning: Parental Gushing!

Good Information Sheet on Vitamin D

Here is a link to a very good article on Vitamin D in which it explains Vitamin D deficiency and associated symptoms and diseases. It explains the generally recommended levels and the optimal levels and what should be aimed for by individuals. It explains how to get our Vitamin D and why almost everyone should be taking Vitamin D supplements. The Doctor who authored the paper talks about the tests for Vitamin D and how often someone should be tested. He explains how much Vitamin D you should probably be taking depending on your test results and emphasizes that high doses should only be taken under Doctor supervision. He explains the the importance of taking Vitamin D3 and not just Vitamin D.

And ... did you know that Vitamin D is not actually a vitamin? I've read that before but I found the explanation in this article the easiest for me to understand.

I like that the Doctor writing this article has a keen interest in preventative medicine. How refreshing! My experience with traditional medical practitioners is that they're mostly interested in applying bandaids ... fixing health problems as they arise with few recommendations for preventing the same problems ... or worse ... from happening again. I've learned through my experience that there's a lot of preventative action we can take if we only know how. I've learned that falling into the "normal range" for test results does not necessarily mean that you're operating at "optimal" and there are things you can do to get to "optimal" if someone just tells you how. This is where my Naturopath has been so helpful and supportive.

Anyway ... off my soapbox. Here's the link to the article: Vitamin D: What You Need To Know by Dr. Frank Lipman.

Frank Lipman MD, is the founder and director of the Eleven Eleven Wellness Center in NYC a center whose emphasis is on preventive health care and patient education. His personal blend of Western and Eastern Medicine combined with the many other complimentary modalities he has studied, has helped thousands of people recover their energy and zest for life. He is the author of the recent REVIVE: Stop Feeling Spent and Start Living Again (2009) and Total Renewal; 7 key steps to Resilience, Vitality and Long-Term Health (2003).

Good Information Sheet on Vitamin D

It's a Wonderful Life!

I've been having a pretty exciting day, I tell ya!! And I haven't even left the house! I'm SO not high maintenance!

My day started with my being disappointed that I couldn't get back to sleep this morning. I decided to just get up and accept that I'll probably be tired during the day. But I was oddly energetic! For the first time in ... I can't even remember when ... I felt like doing stuff ... anything ... just DOING! So I thought I'd better embrace the feeling while it lasted and I made 2 batches of muffins while uploading some music for my iPod. I listened to music and baked and sang in the kitchen. Having a grand time! And then I noticed that my legs weren't feeling quite as "heavy" and stiff as they usually seem. Generally I was moving around better than usual. My left leg almost even felt halfway normal! I was in such a good mood, too, and not at all tired even though I'd only got just less than 8 hours of sleep. I usually need more than 8 hours these days if I want to avoid an afternoon nap ... and I ALWAYS want to avoid afternoon naps! I'm not a happy napper!

I speculated during the day why my limbs might be feeling substantially better. I thought it might be the Arimidex finally clearing out of my body. Maybe the walking with Erin on Tuesday night helped. I had commented to Kevin last night even that my legs were feeling much more limber then, too. Hmmmm ...

Then, at 4:30, my Naturopath phoned. She'd done some research and had some other recommendations for me, such as increasing my fish oil intake, taking 2 Tbsp of ground flax seeds per day, increasing the amount of curcumin, start taking a mushroom extract, and stop taking iodine now that I'm finished radiation. She asked me if I'd noticed any difference in my bones and joints since I'd started taking the 20,000 IU of Vitamin D per day. I told her that I had but that it hadn't occurred to me that it might be because of the Vitamin D. I asked her if I should be able to feel the effects after only 2 days and she assured me that I should because of the high dosage. I'm so surprised! I'm also elated!! Even though it wasn't sunny today, I've felt like a big old ray of sunshine has been shining on me all day. Maybe that's why they call Vitamin D "The Sunshine Vitamin". Whatever it is, I feel great today and am so happy to feel this good! Yes, I still have some aches ... especially in my right calf ... but I feel very noticeable improvements and that's so encouraging!

Tonight I'm going walking with Erin again.

Update on Don - He's in a private room now at St. Paul's and is much more comfortable now that he's out of emergency. His stomach and fever have been stabilized since he got there and now they're working on figuring out what has been causing his problems. And that's good.

It's a Wonderful Life!

Rediscovering My Inner Librarian

I've made arrangements to start back to work on a graduated schedule on Monday, February 15th! Exciting! And scary! Another step toward normal. What my graduated schedule will look like, I'm not entirely sure yet and will probably have to muddle it out as I go, but I hope to be able to manage half days. Baby steps ... baby steps.

Speaking of steps, Erin and I walked the track at the PAC last night for a full 50 minutes! I didn't think I'd be able to go for that long. Our pace wasn't too ridiculous either. YEAH! It felt great to walk and when you're chatting with a friend, time really flies. Next time, if I think of it, I'll take a step counter. After I was home and sat for a while, moving became especially challenging but I expected as much and as I've learned from experiencee, my limbs would recover after a good night's sleep. I still have the joint problems from the Arimidex but they're no worse for walking.

Today I got a bunch of house things done. It's amazing how mangy the house can get if I've been busy for a few days. And then, this afternoon, my Doctor zapped my skin tags. YOUCH! You could hear them sizzling as he touched the liquid nitrogen to the skin with a long q-tip. It may have hurt a bit but no biggie. They look kind of nasty now but I guess they'll dry up and fall off over the next week to 10 days. On the way home I stopped and had some blood work done. And here I am.

Don has been in St. Paul's hospital since yesterday. He had been feeling especially crappy the last couple of days and then when he couldn't keep anything down yesterday morning Sylvia took him to Emergency. He's been having a conundrum of bothersome health issues for the past several months and hopefully they'll now be able to figure out what the underlying problems are and get him all straightened around. He's doing okay, though ... as okay as someone can be in the hospital. I'm just thinking back to my experience and it's just not where one wants to be even when we know it's best for us to be there.

Rediscovering My Inner Librarian

Busy Busy Busy

Doesn't this look a bit like Jack from The Nightmare Before Christmas? It's a birch stump from the back yard. We use it for setting plant pots on.

Last night Carol and I had a super get together at Las Palapas. We had the sopas (soup) there for the first time. You get your choice of a brothy type soup and then you fill the bowl with all kinds of good stuff from the soup bar. It was delicious and very filling. My only complaint would be that by the time you fill your bowl up with stuff from the chilled soup bar, your soup isn't very warm. It was fun to get together with Carol and have some laughs.

Today has been busy and good! I had a morning appointment with my Naturopath for which I did considerable preparation. I had a list of questions and I'd printed some research study reports that present some possibilities for treating my stiff, aching joints. It was a short but productive appointment. She's going to do some additional research into a couple of things and call me back. So far, though, we've determined that I'm deficient in Vitamin D (at 74 nmol/L) whereas optimal is 125. She would like me to get my Vitamin D levels tested again to see how much progress has been made since my last test at the end of October. I've been taking 4,000 IU per day since then. It takes about a month to get results back from Vitamin D tests. In the meantime, for the next 5 days I'm going to take 20,000 IU per day and then drop to 10,000 IU per day. She poked and prodded my arms and legs and my shins, in particular, are quite painful when touched. When I had that pedicure a couple of weeks ago, I had to ask the esthetician to stop massaging my legs because it just hurt too much. Apparently, that can be an indicator of Vitamin D deficiency. My Naturopath also referred to the clinical study that was presented in December at the San Antonio Breast Cancer Seminar that indicated success in using high doses of Vitamin D to reduce and even eliminate joint and bone pain caused by Aromatase Inhibitors (such as the Arimidex I had been taking). It would be ideal, I think, if we could find a way to prevent or at least diminish the bone and joint problems, which would allow me to go back on Arimidex again, it being the best drug available (according to studies) for preventing cancer recurrence in post-menopausal women. Since low levels of Vitamin D also put women at higher risk for breast cancer, I'm all for optimal levels of Vitamin D for that reason, as well.

Good news is that my Iodine tests came back normal. My thyroid tests are borderline. My neutrophils and white blood cell counts are a bit below the normal range but generally, all my regular blood test results from last week show a lot of improvement from where everything sat at the end of October, so all's good.

I'll also start taking a cup of pomegranate juice (or one pomegranate) per day for breast cancer prevention and Rhus Tox every day to try to help my aching joints. Recent studies indicate that Pomegranate may prevent or slow the growth of some types of breast cancer. At any rate, it certainly can't hurt to eat pomegranates and is good for me anyway.

It feels good to be doing something to help my body and I appreciate the guidance my Naturopath provides.

After that encouraging part of my day, I picked Bonnie up and we went for a celebratory lunch at Original Joe's. We tried to go to Bliss on Broadway, neither of us ever having been there before, but alas ... there was a water main break. Original Joe's was good, though, and it was great to spend some time with Bonnie! Thanks, Bonnie!

I'm thinking of Don today. He hasn't been feeling great and I'm glad he's getting a bunch of tests done so that he can feel good again as soon as possible!

This evening I plan to walk the track with Erin! First time. I can't wait. I have to do something to get back in shape and shed some pounds and this marks a start.

Happy Birthday, Josh!!!

Busy Busy Busy

Things Look a Little Better After A Good Sleep

I just woke up, having made up for my loss of sleep in the night. I'm calm now. Not angry. But I'm glad I did get angry because it was the heat I needed to make me dig a little deeper into my side effect experience and find some more information ... namely that some women found relief from joint, tendon and muscle problems even after 3 and 4 months of being off Arimidex. Back to being a patient patient and sticking with my plans to bring up my level of physical activity. Erin and I have a first, formal walking date tomorrow night at the PAC (U of S). She can show me around the place and see how long and how far I can walk. And how fast.

Yesterday, except for my becoming a little depressed in the evening and then angry, was okay. For me it was mostly a breast cancer research day. I had put off doing research for a few weeks and so I had a lot of information waiting for me in my RSS feed reader. It was good to go through it. I found a couple of especially pertinent studies. One recently reported study suggests that high doses of Vitamin D (50,000 per week, which breaks down to between 7,000 and 8,000 per day ... only 3,000 or 4,000 more than I'm taking now) have been found to alleviate joint stiffness and pain in many women taking Aromatase Inhibitors, which includes Arimidex ... all without any Vitamin D toxicity reported. I'm going to ask my Naturopath and Oncologist about this possibility.

I also found a study out of France that showed a large number of women in a study group had improved tolerance after switching from one estrogen blocker to another. What was most interesting to me in the abstract was that it broke down the joint side effects into arthralgia, myalgia, arthritis, tendinitis, and polyalgic syndrome. This gives me the basis to ask doctors which of these I'm experiencing. Maybe I'm one of the unlucky ones getting all of the above! Knowing that might help me better understand how to deal with my particular difficulties. For instance, a lot of women report pain in their knees, which I have, too ... sometimes worse than others. It would be helpful to know if this pain is from the drug or from the activities I'm doing or from the way I'm moving as a result of the joint stiffness. Knowledge is good!

On the good side ... I'm getting more feeling in my big toes! They're still numb but there's some feeling, too. It especially feels strange in comparison to my little toes, which are still deeply numbed! I wish I could describe it, but I just can't. Numbness, for me, has been the hardest thing to describe, it's such a weird feeling. I think it's a very positive sign, though, that my big toes have started coming back. Nerves are knitting. I think I might book myself another pedicure sooner rather than later because I think all that foot massaging might have sped the nerve repair up a little. Just guessing.

Now ... onto more pleasant things. Yesterday afternoon Kevin and I went for a walk with Rex and Erin and stopped at Tastebuds for "coffee". It was a nice little outing. The fresh air was good. I wish I'd remembered to take my camera because there was the cutest little snowman on 8th street!

Today I skipped my planned yoga and slept instead. Wise decision. Tonight Kevin has a business dinner so I'm getting together with Carol. We haven't seen each other for a long while, so I'm really looking forward to that.

Today, too ... big excitement!! Sasktel is coming by any minute to hook us up for PVR. I think that's what it's called. It's so we can tape shows to watch later with a click of a button. I wanted this because now that we're not running around every evening watching Luke play sports, we're home a lot more and have been able to enjoy following some tv programs again. For years we just didn't bother watching much tv. Now, I don't want to make missing a tv show the reason for my not getting out to the walking track, so I'm very happy to be getting PVR. I'm told I will really like being able to watch show (without ads) whenever I choose and being able to stop or pause them at will. Without ads, we'll also be able to cut the time in front of the tube while still keeping up with some favourite shows! Sounds great!

Things Look a Little Better After A Good Sleep

Guinea Heather

Last night I could feel anger rising and even though I fell asleep exhausted by 11:30, I was awake at 3:00 a.m. thinking and getting angrier with every minute. I finally got out of bed and did some research on Arimidex and its side effects. Again.

I don't get angry very often so I allow myself these rare moments and believe they're good for me and will help me in the long run even if it's just to motivate myself. I'm sure we can all stand to get fired up a bit every now and then.

I found a discussion on Arimidex that started in 2006 and still carries on. I read the whole thing, which took more than 4 hours (all 450+ comments). It was so comforting to know that there are so many others that share these awful side effects from the Arimidex.

I had fully expected, based on what my oncologist suggested, that my side effects would have subsided by now but I see no real improvements. In fact, some days lately my fingers in particular seem worse. It helped me to read that some women didn't feel improvements until even 3 or 4 months after quitting Arimidex. Then again, there were a couple who after 5 and 6 months hadn't seen any improvements and there were some who felt some improvements but had some lingering side effects as well.

There were a lot of questions about the possibility of permanent damage from the drug and a lot of frustration expressed with doctors and the manufacturer of the drug (AstraZeneca) who do not warn patients about these relatively common and debilitating side effects. In fact, it seems that AstraZeneca really doesn't know about long term effects and how to best manage the side effects that are being reported.

I feel like a Guinea Pig! That wouldn't be so bad if I had CHOSEN to be a Guinea Pig! It makes me angry.

Still, I feel better after having read more about other people's experiences and having learned that it might just take a little longer yet for me to feel some relief. So many people's descriptions of their symptoms and frustrations echo my own ... like the woman who can hardly get herself up off the floor or in and out of the tub ... the women who try, try, try to get exercise but find it such a struggle ... and the many women who report that they feel ancient and crippled ... the women who report their hands feeling like claws ... those whose doctors tell them the joint problems aren't their concern - go see someone else. So many. So similar.

All of that aside, it's worth saying that some people are able to handle the drug very well and so it's worth trying based on its potential benefits. It's supposed to be better than Tamoxifen (for post-menopausal women) in preventing recurrences. But for many of us, I see, it becomes a quality of life issue and many choose to stop taking the drug. I'm one of those, though I will try Tamoxifen. I read that many women who had trouble with Arimidex were able to better tolerate Tamoxifen. I'm still waiting a little longer before starting it, though, hoping that my joint problems will subside first so I'll be able to distinguish the side effects of one from those of the other.

I have my moments of frustration and anger with these side effects. I had fully expected to be well on my way to recovery by now but these joint and muscle problems make recovery seem like such a distant possibility. I so want my life back and this is the only thing that really seems to stand in the way of that. I expected full recovery from treatments to take time but I hadn't counted on this. It only makes me angrier that I wasn't given a head's up about it. I expect full disclosure from doctors and pharmaceutical companies so that I can be making informed decisions. I wouldn't be so angry about this if my decision to try Arimidex had been a fully informed one. I feel duped!

I also feel pretty tired. No yoga for me this morning. I think I have to go back to bed now that I've researched, read and now vented to my team! I'd better take myself out of the game for a while because I feel like I might otherwise get myself kicked out. Go ahead, though, and slam some cancer baddies into the boards for me while I'm on the bench cooling down.

Sorry for not having anything more positive to report this otherwise fine Monday morning.

Guinea Heather

Something's Afoot!

At last! I've been keeping my eyes open for something appropriate to replace our old cream coloured duvet cover. I loved our old one. It was cream on cream with texture but with years of Tito (our cat) sleeping with us, it was looking very shabby. So, I've been looking for something similar with no luck. I've seen a few things I've liked but they've been exorbitantly priced! There was a beautiful linen duvet cover at Restoration Hardware in Vancouver but I wasn't prepared to spend that much. So finally, at HomeSense, I found something not at all cream on cream and not at all textured but something that's a nice change and that both Kevin and I like. The blue cushion in the photo isn't that blue for real. I think because it's silk it catches the camera's flash and appears much brighter than it really is. The cushion is more of a dusty turquoise colour, like in the duvet cover.

Yesterday turned out to be not such a good day. It was a lucky thing, perhaps, that the kaiser tournament was postponed. Kevin and I planned on going to a movie instead but by then I didn't feel like leaving the house. I was so tired and my joints were so bothersome yesterday, particularly my hands and arms. It's getting very discouraging but I'm holding panic at bay hoping that the joint problems will still subside soon. And not be permanent!

A couple of nights ago I noticed a different feeling in my feet. I can't describe the change except to say they just felt "different". Still numb but "different". I speculated that maybe the nerves are repairing themselves and that gradually the numbness will go away. I wondered, too, if the massage during my pedicure might have had some effect on that. Maybe? I'm pretty excited about getting the feeling back in my feet knowing that it was possible I might NOT get it back. Then, yesterday when Kevin and I were out, I noticed aching in my toes when I walked. Joint aches. That, I think, must be another sign that my nerves are repairing themselves. All along I haven't felt any aching joints in my toes and ... duh ... that's probably because they've been numb!! It hadn't occurred to me until yesterday! And with the feeling coming back, of course I'll feel the aching in my toe joints that must have been there all along. Oh joy! My toes and feet are also more "tingly" and they kind of hurt a little when they're rubbed. They just seem very sensitive now in a way they weren't before. All I take to be a good sign.

Something's Afoot!

Hair and Historical Error

Here is my Saturday hair photo! Even though I don't expect to notice a difference from the previous one, I do! It is a little longer! Wispier! YEAH!

I was thinking ...

"When I get my hair back, I'll promise to never complain about my hair again!".

Then I thought ...

"No. I still will. It's part of being a woman, this love/hate relationship with our hair."

I do want to feel like a woman again so I know I will embrace good hair days and bad hair days and complain about my hair like every other woman on earth surely does! And somedays I'll admire it thoroughly.

Then, for some reason, this childhood rhyme came to mind ... I think it was spoken in reference to me more often than I care to remember ...

There was a little curl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead.

And when she was good, she was very, very good.

And when she was bad, she was horrid!

And then I thought ...

"There are so many historical errors. You can never truly trust history. So what if one word in that rhyme has been wrong all the time? What if instead of "she", the word is supposed to be "it" in the 2nd and 3rd lines of the rhyme? From a woman's perspective, it makes so much more sense!"

Talk amongst yourselves!

Hair and Historical Error

Doing the No Shuffle Shuffle

Last night Darrel and Lynn took us out to dinner to the 2nd Avenue Grill! And then we came back to our place to play Hand and Foot (Canasta). I hadn't played in over a year and it was good to play again. Also good to warm up for tonight's kaiser tournie!

One problem for me is shuffling, especially all the cards needed to play Hand and Foot. I finally left it to the others.

My hands, especially my right hand, have been especially achy the past couple of days. In general, my joints don't seem to be improving, which is increasingly discouraging since being told that I should be seeing improvements by now. If things don't improve soon, I'm contemplating firing off an email to the manufacturer and to the scientists leading the clinical studies about this side effect. It can't hurt to try. Maybe someone there would be gracious enough and knowledgeable enough to answer some questions for me. I'm starting to worry that this side effect could be permanent.

Kevin and I are excited to be dogsitting Otto while Darrel and Lynne are on vacation! It will be like a doggie test drive for us. I can't wait! I think Otto comes to stay on January 29 or thereabouts.

I'll post my "Saturday Hair Photo" later today, though don't hold your breath in that I don't think much has changed since Monday.

It looks like another beautiful day in Saskatoon! Lately there have been days when it's been warmer here than in Kentucky! Bizarre!

Doing the No Shuffle Shuffle

Berny and Me

Today I finally met Berny in person! She was in town for medical appointments and so we arranged to have lunch together at Truffles, which turned out to be closed, so we went to Tusq. It was wonderful to finally meet her in person after meeting online through the blogosphere! I serendipitously found Berny's Boob Blog one day last summer while doing some breast cancer research and got so much comfort (yes, comfort) and information from reading about her ongoing experience with breast cancer. It turned out that we had the same surgeon and oncologist! While my treatment has come to an end ... hallelujah!! ... Berny's will continue on for some time yet. Even though this has been going on for a very long time for her and she has a lot to go through yet, she is a real inspiration. She has such grace and serenity and, as my cousin Velma recommends, "an attitude of gratitude". I found a great mentor in Berny.

I should always remember to fluff my wig before a photo! It's looking very wiggish here. Kind of like a helmet. My own hair was never very helmet-like, though I often wished for a much more controlled look than I ever managed. Still, I want my wild, unruly hair back asap!!

Last night I was very tired. VERY tired. It hit me like a brick at supper time. I slept a long time today, too. I only got up at 11:00, which wasn't much time to erase the pillow creases from my face in time to meet Berny! In fact, they were probably still there!

A little shout out to Gillian, who I saw downtown! She had walked all the way even though she still has a nasty cold. She had missed the bus to campus and was generally feeling a little beleaguered! Poor Gillian! We hugged.

I have things to do at home today and I'll probably take it kind of easy. We have a social event to look forward to tomorrow night! I want to be rested up so I can thoroughly enjoy it! It's a kaiser tournament. I've only played kaiser a couple of times ever so I'm not very good but I've been assured that there will be other kaiser newbies there, too. And it doesn't sound like they take it very seriously either, so deal me in.

My heart goes out to the people of Haiti and all who have been directly impacted by the earthquake. How awful!

Berny and Me

Today's Nutrition Seminar

Today I went with Erin and Laurie to a nutrition seminar at the U of S PAC Centre. While a lot of the information is repetitive, I don't think of it that way. I think of it as reinforcing. I find it really easy to get lazy and fall off the good nutrition wagon, so something like this keeps me conscious of all I need to be doing and I always learn something new, too. Another benefit to this particular seminar is that the nutritionist, Heather Hynes, works with athletes and so there were a lot of recommendations for very active people. This helps me better understand Luke's nutritional needs for when he's home in the summer.

This time, the new things I learned are that we should have at least 2 servings of fish per week. One serving = 1/2 cup. Even though I might have known to increase the amount of fish I eat, what I didn't know is that when choosing canned tuna, we should choose "light tuna" instead of "white tuna" to reduce our mercury consumption. Apparently, "light tuna" is yellowfin tuna, which has lower levels of mercury. I always buy white tuna. I'll be switching.

We also learned that Chocolate Milk is now considered the ultimate "recovery fluid" to consume after physical activity. Better than water or sports drinks. Here's why (found here: pdf - If you do any research, you'll find lots of information about this on the internet) ...

Chocolate Milk: An Ideal Sports Recovery Drink

• 90% water for hydration
• Carbohydrate to replace depleted muscle glycogen
• Protein to build and maintain muscles
• The optimal protein to carbohydrate ratio to refuel tired muscles
• Calcium and phosphorus for strong bones
• Potassium to help muscles contract and regulate body fluids
• B-vitamins to help convert food to energy for exercising muscles
• Great taste readily accepted by athletes encourages consumption
  

Today's Nutrition Seminar

Ringing In The New Year

I haven't worn any rings since last March, before I had my lumpectomy. I was afraid to wear them because of the risk of lymphodema. Wouldn't it be awful to have to have your rings cut off?

Yesterday, while looking for a pair of earrings to wear, I saw my rings and decided to try them on. The only one I can actually get on is my Grandma's wedding ring, which I've worn with my own for as long as I've had it. My own rings, as you see, don't quite make it. I feel I could get them on, but I fear I'd have trouble getting them off again.

I tried them on my right hand and they fit there about the same as they used to ... quite snug compared to how they used to fit on my left finger. That tells me that it's not just these 7 or 8 extra pounds making the difference. It might be some slight swelling in my fingers as a result of surgery and treatments. I thought my left fingers looked ever so slightly bigger. I think I'll wait a while and see if they come down. Otherwise, I'll take my rings in and get them resized. The difference is quite slight so I'm not concerned.

By the way, this colourful, woven doily is one Hannah gave me this year for Christmas. It's so pretty and interesting. She found it in an antique store in Vancouver.

On another note, you might notice the band of darkness near the bottom of each of my nails. That's evidence of the damage to my system from the radiation. It's wider than the lines I got from each of my chemo treatments. They were narrower ... like someone had taken a red felt marker and drawn horizontal lines across my nails. The lines from each of my chemo treatments have almost all grown out now. I can still see one near the top of most of nails. My naturopath pointed them out to me and it was interesting to me that I could very distinctly count each of my chemo treatments on my nails.

Ringing In The New Year

Wanna Cookie?

I baked last night. I haven't baked cookies for a long time and these are my favourites, which is good reason not to bake. I don't usually have any trouble resisting sweets but just knowing these are in the house ... like catnip to a cat. Kevin had to stir in the cranberries and chocolate chips at the end because my wrists had had enough, but he was only too happy to help!

I'm glad I took yesterday off from any commitments. I needed that. I didn't get my Christmas decoration boxes put away but I did clean out and rearrange the pantry and some kitchen cupboards. They needed it!

I wore a bra yesterday for the first time since the beginning of November. It feels okay and doesn't seem to irritate my radiated skin at all. Not yet. I'm still lotioning liberally and frequently. The most aggravating thing about wearing a bra is trying to do it up behind my back! I've never had trouble doing that before but this time, because of the pain in my right shoulder, which has nothing at all to do with cancer, I can't quite reach well enough. I can just reach but only just and then I don't have enough maneuverability and strength to actually latch it. I really dislike having to do it up at the front. It's a slam to my dignity ... kind of like having to roll over on to my hands and knees to get up off the floor or out of the tub!

I was in dire need of a couple particular items, so I did some shopping in the afternoon yesterday. The only pair of jeans I've been able to wear bit the dust last week. They were already challenging because in the summer, the lock part that keeps the zipper up must have broken so I could only wear them with tops that covered the zipper. Even then, I was constantly rezipping. Last week the fastener at the waist band broke and with the zipper the way it is, it's a repair job beyond my patience. Those jeans don't owe me anything. I picked them up at Costco and wore them a lot. So I went downtown and after much searching (everything seems really picked over), I finally found a very pair of plain, dark wash jeans that fit nicely and that were very marked down. I'm happy.

I also needed a particular type of shoe that I don't have. I can not believe the wear I've gotten out of a $5 pair of brown flats that I bought at Superstore two years ago. I bought them for bike riding to work, not wanting to risk wrecking good shoes (I wasn't the most confident bike rider, especially at the start), and still wanting to wear something that looked okay with skirts. I call those little brown flats (they have a red bow on the toe) my "cardboard shoes". They've got to be cardboard for $5! But they have endured beyond belief! I throw them in my suitcase when I go to Vancouver and wear them in the rain so as not to ruin my good shoes. I have worn them throughout my cancer treatments, especially since my joints started bothering me because they're so easy to slip on. They're kind of stretched out and they sit low on my toes, so they were the only pair of shoes I could wear when I had edema. But their time is up. Amazing shoes, they've been.

Now what I need for shoes is something I don't have. I need something black for the sake of versatility. I need leather. I want a slip on. I need a slightly elevated heel, which I think will help my walking by easing the strain on my right calf, which is the most bothersome. I need a very sturdy heel because my feet are still numb and I'm a little nervous about skinny heels, of which all of my heeled shoes are. I would prefer that they be somewhat flattering. So I was very happy to find a pair of naturalizers that filled all of the above criteria and, bonus, they were only $30. I won't mind wearing the crap out of them at that price. They also happen to have bows on the toes! Black patent bows! I wasn't looking for bows. I wasn't even wanting bows. But I can live with bows apparently and so that's what I have.

It was a successful shopping trip and a good day, except that my joints seem a little worse than they had been. Both yesterday and today. Bummer.

Bra. Shoes. Jeans. Approaching normal!!!

Wanna Cookie?

Simple Things

There's a yoga class this morning but I'm not going today. Today is a day off. I need one. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's true nonetheless. It doesn't take much daily activity to make me feel overwhelmed and exhausted. Just looking at the items on my calendar for the next two weeks overwhelms me a bit! It doesn't help that yesterday I was so tired from having such a crumby sleep the night before. I usually sleep good so an off night is unusual. Last night I slept good ... I was SO tired ... and today I'd like a quiet day to regroup and get a few things done at home ... such as getting those boxes of Christmas decorations put back where they belong.

Lynne came by yesterday and was so good to give me a personalized recommendation of exercises I can do for both core strength and stretching. She wrote them out for me, too, with little stick figure drawings to make it all clear. AWESOME! I'll do those today and at least feel like I've taken care of an exercise component. I feel a little daunted by exercise just because I have such a long way to go and I expect it will take so long to get to some reasonable state of fitness but Lynne thinks I'll be surprised at how quickly my strength and flexibility will come back. Thanks, Lynne.

I also want to do my Tamoxifen research today just so I know what I'm getting into. It's the most commonly used post breast cancer treatment drug being used and it's been used for many years now. Much longer than Arimidex. I just want to be very clear this time of what the possible side effects might be.

How's this for a lovely experience? A couple of Hannah's friends, Josh and Nina, invited her out for lunch earlier this week. They often get together for lunch or breakfast. Hannah was surprised when they picked her up in a beautiful rented car and they were both dressed up. It turns out they were on their way to a beach in Stanley Park to get married and they wanted Hannah to be their witness! They also picked up another friend under the same guise (having told him to bring his camera) and he was their other witness and photographer. Hannah said it was beautiful and very touching! It was raining and they had giant umbrellas to stand under. The couple then texted a bunch of friends and invited them to the room they had booked at a fancy hotel for a party that night to celebrate their wedding. How simple. How sweet. I'm very happy for Josh and Nina.

Simple Things

Speaking of Lacrosse ...

I just have to say how very proud I am of Luke. When Luke got back to Louisville after Christmas for his 2nd semester, he was pretty excited about his class schedule. He has a few days where his classes don't start quite so early and he planned to catch some much needed extra sleep those mornings. Not so fast ...

Last year's lacrosse practices usually started around 3:30. But this year that won't work because there are about 6 players who have classes during that time and they are required classes so they can't be changed. The only option for practices turned out to be 6:30 in the morning. IN THE MORNING!! That sounds awful!

Last night I was talking to Luke about it, sympathizing with him and the rest of the team, but Luke, while initially disappointed, has shrugged it off and taken a positive approach. I was so impressed to hear him say that he's adjusting to the early mornings even though he feels like an old man going to bed so early at night. He says it really makes them focus on the game and organize their time. He says he has some hard classes and some that will require a lot of work, but he feels up to the challenge. His very positive attitude and dedication and complete lack of whining make me feel very proud of him.

Here's the link to his page on the team roster at Bellarmine University. I'm glad to see they've finally started adding some player details on the website, though Luke is a math major and not a biology major. If I had been the photographer, I would have taken photos BEFORE practice and not AFTER when they all have helmet hair and helmet rash. Arden ... I like to call him Hollywood ... looks like he at least finger combed his hair and gave his Hollywood smile. Here's the link to Arden's page. It still needs some updating. It looks like the person responsible for the website is in the process of updating information.

Here's the link to their game schedule. Kevin and I hope to get there for a few games at the end of March.

Speaking of Lacrosse ...