Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Storms Never Last ...

... at least that's a thought I hang on to. I'm so frustrated with these bones and joints and muscles and tendons. Why are they getting worse now? Is it because I'm back on Tamoxifen? DAMN! I hurt in places that haven't usually bothered me. In my forearms, for example. And my fingers hurt and they haven't really bothered me for some time. Sometimes it feels like the only thing missing are the bolts on the side of my head.

Today ... and this may be because of this new medication I'm trying ... the bottoms of my feet, which are numb, feel puffy. The balls of my feet. It feels like I'm walking on balloons. It feels very strange, especially because of the numbness. It was actually easier to ride my bike to work than it would have been to walk from the parking lot to the office. Biking is easier than walking in that there's less "weight-bearing". Pedaling only hurts my knees and hips for a little while and then I move along quite easily. Walking now doesn't so readily get to the "smooth sailing" stage.

Obviously this new medication isn't helping, at least not yet. And, in fact, I think I'm starting to retain fluids again like I did on the previous drug. I'll monitor the puffiness tomorrow and call my doctor if it looks like it's truly getting worse. I think he'll put me on a diuretic if that's the case. Lovely.

You know, I wouldn't be so grumbly about this joint/bone/muscle/joint problem (caused by the Arimidex, which I was only on for 6 weeks) if I had reason to believe it was something I just have to accept. But I've been told it should go away. Nobody has said, "Oops. It looks like you're one of the unlucky ones." If that was the case, I would then be resolving to just deal with it. But because no doctor has really tried to get to the bottom of this and address it with me, I still feel like there's something that can be done about it if only I can figure out what that is. So far time hasn't solved the problem. This problem has lasted much longer than I was told it would. And if I call the "Champion Centre", they want you to talk to your family doctor. They really don't want to have anything to do with you ... especially if there's "an issue" ... once you're done your treatments.

Anyway, I will carry on and try to rise above my frustrations and give my family doctor some time to see if there's a medication other than morphine that will bring relief. And if there isn't ... bring on the morphine!!

Good thing there are pretty flowers to look at! It's quite the storm going on out there right now! Lots of impressive thunder and lightning! No hail, please.
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