While I was awake in the night, I was thinking ... and thinking ...Several women who have been through a similar ordeal, many of whom I've never even met in person, have shared their experiences with me and have offered information and encouragement. One woman told me how she started chemotherapy determined to walk every day, eat well, etc. but ended up doing little more than numbly park on the sofa and watch tv. In retrospect, she felt she was clinically depressed and probably should have been on medication for that. The chemo drugs themselves can cause depression not to mention that the whole horrific experience can be depressing on its own. I'm very grateful to all the women who have shared their stories with me. It's been so helpful.
The story above led me to think about how that could very possibly be me ... if not for this blog and, more importantly, if not for all of you who read this and who encourage me and who I know think of me every day. I didn't know at the time that my commitment to blogging this experience would have as many psychological benefits as it does.
Because I'm committed to being honest about this experience on this blog and because people other than myself are reading it, to allow myself to wallow like a lump of moss on the couch would be to fail not just myself but all of the people who care about me. Yes, I have my days of wallowing and I don't feel guilty about those because this chemo makes you bloody sick, that's what it does. But many days when wallowing isn't necessary, I also strongly feel the inclination to do just that. If I were to do that, it would make all of your encouragement and care ineffective and I want you to know how really, truly, you ... all of you ... are what keeps me getting off the couch on the days when I can (and that's most days) and keeping my sights on the end of this nasty chemo treatment and sustaining the hope that, as awful as it is, it will have blasted each and every little, evil, lurking cancer cell in my body and that only the good cells grow back. And because of you keeping me moving forward, I think it will help me adjust more easily when I return to a normal life.
So, to all of you, thanks ... thanks ... and more thanks.
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A little ditty for your enjoyment, I hope:.... Ahem-Ahem.. "One more treatment left to go, Do-daa, Do-daa" "You'll be Happy don't we know, Oh-Do-da Daaaay", "Only one to goooo, One more left you knooooow", "A Happy Happy Girl You'll Be, Ohhh-a do-da-daaaaaayyy!"..Heather, I'm glad you know I DO think of you every day-I read your blog entry &wonder at your strength through this treatment! As always, Take Care! Rest Up! Don't Overdue but take advantage of the Better Feeling Days!
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Oh, Devy! You made me laugh out loud! I have a perfect mental image of you, with jazz hands, singing this little ditty! You're laughing, too, right? Thanks for that, for hanging in here with me through this, and for your unfailing encouragement. It's almost OVER!! Hallelujah!!
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