Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Could the Sun Be Shining For Me, Too?

I think so!!! I must confess, yesterday was not very good and by late last night I was positively depressed. I'm just so tired of all of this ... the aching, the PICC-line, my weakened body, the face thing, the hair thing, my bubble ... ALL OF IT! I'd just had enough! So Kevin hugged me a lot and I had a good sleep.

My bright spot yesterday was a mid-afternoon phone call from Hannah. Sweet!

After yesterday I am so happy to wake up this morning to only half the aches and those ones aren't as bad. My back and upper body skin tenders seem to have left me while I slept! Yippee! My legs don't feel so weak this morning, either. Maybe ... just maybe ... I'm turning the corner now. I sure hope so. This last while has been the opposite of fun.

My face feels considerably better but the redness doesn't really go away. The skin where it's red feels papery, which makes this feel more like a chemical burn than a rash. Could that be? Perhaps?

So, today I feel optomisitic and am hoping to do something constructive ... something that makes me feel "accomplished" ... "Hey, Kev ... look what I did!" Kind of elementary school but that's where I'm at, I guess. I don't know WHAT I'll do yet, but I'll do something. I can just feel the energy coming back and wanting to ... okay, not exactly "explode" ... but just do SOMETHING!

I have 9 days before my LAST chemo treatment! LAST!! Can you believe it?? Anyway, I really want a string of good days before I head into that one. Maybe it's seeing the light at the end of tunnel that is making this harder to endure. I'm less patient. Then again, it really does feel worse. Enough of that, though. I'm smiling this morning and that's a very good thing.

This, by the way, is a ligularia. It's the flat flower head one and not the spikey one. Our spikey one finished blooming long ago. This one is blooming so late this year!



  1. Hope the sun shone bright all day - and continues through the week.
    PS We have Elle's little brother Gus! He's very sweet, but alittle shell-shocked coming from the farm to the big city. Elle's acting like she's the much more experienced big sister.

  2. oops - forgot I already told you about Gus. Guess I'm more excited than I thought!

  3. You have a ligularia--and this is one of two types of the flower. Amazing. I am proud to say I am a lifelong learner, and I am learning much about floral gardening! The red face may be a "chemical burn". That makes much sense....

    Know, Heather, that we are keeping up on you day by day. You cannot know how often you are thought of. (Yes the preposition is at the end of the sentence, but it works here.)


  4. Hi Heather: Don't give up've been so strong through all this , and the Last Treatment is only a few days away! On the other hand, it's okay to feel down once in awhile when life hands you a lemon and you don't really want lemonade. In my thoughts and prayers. Auntie Anne

  5. Still here and thinking about you lots. I sent you a big hug. I feel so small and insignificant compared to you and what you are going through right now. I do not know how I would be in your situation, and I feel so proud of you and how you handle it. You have my thoughts and prayers with you.

  6. Hi Laurel!

    Aren't you glad we decided not to take Gus?! Two puppies the house. Eddie must be feeling alarmed! We'll have to stop by and see the whole family!

    Hi Cheryl!

    Honest. I am no garden guru! I do like pretty flowers, though, and look so forward to all their colour and form after long winters. I'm so sad to see so many of them fading now.

    You know, if not for all of my team out there, I really do think I would by now be a depressed mess doing nothing more than growing mold on the sofa while watching the tube. I am so grateful for all of you and the support and encouragement you provide.

    Hi Auntie Anne!

    I'm so happy to feel like I'm on the upswing. I treasure the days before a treatment when I'm starting to feel semi-human again. They are all too short, but yes, with only one more treatment to go, this icky part will soon be history! Then ... LEMONADE!!

    Hi Gwen!

    Thanks for your kind and supportive words, too. It matters. We can either swim or drown in these situations and survival instincts almost always kick in and we swim. That's what I'm doing. You would, too, I know, though I pray you never have to test your instincts this way. It sucks. Big time. All of you are my floatation devices for which I am so grateful.


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