Monday, June 15, 2009

Chapstick and Lawyers. Oddly Related?

A beautiful morning. AGAIN!! We haven't had so many of those in a row so full appreciation here!

Kevin left for Minneapolis around 4:00 this morning ... cold in hand (or, more correctly, cold in head). Maybe they'll turn him away at the airport.

I was up at 6:30 since I couldn't get back to sleep anyway and I could tell it was going to be a beautiful day and since I wasn't feeling too badly and since I thought I could get outside and examine and deadhead flowers before the sun flooded the yard ... all in my gorgeous new robe!! ... that's what I did. Even though I could probably have benefited from some more sleep, I just couldn't, so I believe the rule is to get up and do something and sleep later. Just me and the birds out this morning and the flowers and deck are tidied. I I lounged out and read the paper. Mom must have heard me up so she got up at 7:00. We cleaned out the fridge (because it was becoming a mess), I broke a full bottle of soya sauce and we spent a while cleaning that up.

I'm now off dexamethadone and the dom perignon (that's what we're calling it anyway). I'm off all anti-nausea drugs now though I have reserves in case I need them. Just heartburn medicine for now.

Now ... where was I? Oh, yeah. Chapstick and Lawyers. You're wondering, aren't you?

So, I got to bed earlier last night and was so tired I turned off the light right away. Kevin slept downstairs on the sofa (2 meter germ free rule in place). As soon as my head hit the pillow, my mind filled with a nightmare of the few faces of the evil lawyers I know (no offense intended to those of my lawyer friends who are not evil spawn of Satan, but since I know a few, they do uninvited and unwelcome creep into my mind from time to time). The last thing I want to do at any time is revisit evil lawyers and since a couple of immediate tactics didn't rid them, I turned on the light and turned to Sudoku. But all I had left in my book were "easies" and "challengers". "Challengers" are, so far, over my head even when I'm feeling bright so I turned to "easies". They don't work. It turns out I can easily do easy Sudoku and have my mind infiltrated with spawn of Satan lawyers at the same time. I tried hard. I did 8 easy Sudoku. Still, evil lawyers lurked.

Then, I found the answer to erradicating thoughts of evil lawyers. I started thinking of the funny things that my team ... family and friends ... have said or written that make me laugh out loud. There's been a lot! Throughout this treatment, I'm going to be posting some of them from time to time so you can laugh with me. I only wish my memory was good enough to recall the many verbal funnies. All of those funny thoughts (that really do chase evil lawyers back to the hell they belong) led to some other funny memories that seemed appropriate at 1:00 a.m. And that's where chapstick comes in. Ahhhh ...

Chapstick. I noticed last night, while trying to chase away lawyer nightmares that my lips were feeling tingly. Chemo can cause mouth and lip sores so I've been on high alert. Can't become too complacent. I reached immediately for the handy chapstick on my bedside table and slathered away. I have chapsticks on almost every available surface in the house ... hand lotion, too, for chemo-skin.

Now when I think "chapstick", I have to think of Patty and Dalene. Before I ever knew I would have breast cancer, I've had opportune chapstick coaching from those two warriors. I will try to relay this story but if you don't find it funny, it's because I'm not able to really get across what really would have been better captured on video. Dalene and Patty are two of the most "we-can-win-this" Moms I know. In a good way. They're not those obnoxious parent fans we hate to believe still exist but who we've all seen. But they are two of the most competitively-minded women I know. In a great way. And I'm so glad to have them as the chapstick/lipgloss specialists on my coaching staff.

Imagine. Last summer. A large contingent of Sask parents at a SWAT (indoor lacrosse game) in Calgary. The game is rough and intense. Moms are all leaning forward in the bleachers. Dad's, arms crossed, standing at the back ... an odd pacer. At a particularly intense moment, Dalene (channelling Clint Eastwood, if you can imagine it) ... elbows on her knees, head leaning out over the bleachers below us ... "When the going gets tough, the tough put on lip gloss", she says. Without taking an eye off the play, she slowly, steadily, reaches into the purse at her feet and pulls out a lipgloss and glosses up. Beside her, Patty, like an robot ... intent on the game ... reaches into her front pocket, pulls out her chapstick and does the same. I just lose it.

Hilarity ensued. I don't know if you're getting the visual or the funny or if you really need to know these two warrior women to get it but, trust me, we laughed until we cried and have laughed about it ever since. Between periods, Dalene brought out her collection of 5 (FIVE! IN HER PURSE! AT THE SAME TIME!) of slightly varying shades of lipgloss. The LipGloss Queen. And Patty ... if you were to have to do a charade of "Patty", it would be the easiest thing ever. You would only have to mimic reaching into your pocket and chapsticking your lips and anyone who knows Patty would guess immediatly! She even has a faded imprint of her chapstick in her jeans pockets the way guys have wallet marks. Patty is the ChapStick Queen.

Now, if someone wants to get into the psychology between colour and non-colour lip stuff, I'll leave that to you. I'm not going there.

Anyway, the point is that, fortuitously, chapstick can act like "Lawyer-Be-Gone". Easy Sudoku: not so good for that.

Thanks for the funny stories and I hope we all have a good day!


  1. Hi Heather, I enjoyed reading this story. You know me too well, ha ha. I do remember that time at lacrosse and I too still laugh about it. I am so glad you have this blog - it's very entertaining. You make me laugh. Take Care.

  2. Oh no!! YOUUUUU make MEEEE laugh!! Obviously!! Lucky me, too! You could be a therapist, subscribing the use of chapstick to chase away evil lawyers nightmares and other bad things!

  3. Hello Heather!! I remember this event well, I still crack up when I think of that trip. One of my favourite "sports trips" in recent memory :)
    I love the blog, I just saw Patty and she got me on to it. Take care my friend- tons of positive energy is being sent your way every day!!! Dalene

  4. Hi Dalene! Thanks for stopping in and joining my team. I'm getting all the best athletes, cheerers, and attitudes on this team. Plus, I do know some pretty funny people, don't I?! I'm pretty lucky.


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