Monday, December 14, 2009

Single Digits!

Radiation Status Report: 21 done. 9 left! I'm down to single digits. I'm definitely looking like a chunk of ham after this morning's radiation treatment. My skin is still holding up, though my back is starting to get itchy from time to time. I've been using a wooden spoon to scratch where it itches.

Yesterday Kevin and I got out for a little bit despite the cold. We went to places with underground parking and we didn't stay long. Last night after I finished dinner preparations and had the meal put in the oven, I suddenly felt dizzy, weak, nauseous, and generally unwell. I took it easy for the rest of the night ... curled up under a blanket and watched two movies with Kevin and Luke. On top of feeling lousy, I felt weepy, too. I don't know why I suddenly felt so lousy and so vulnerable except that I woke up feeling not quite right in the first place.

I'm happy to say I felt much better this morning. I had to be up early for an 8:30 radiation appointment. The bonus is that it was early enough that Kevin could take me. When I got home I went back to bed for a couple of hours and then awoke in time to prepare for a 1:00 meeting via teleconference, which lasted almost 2 hours. I'm trying to step back into work a bit ... little by little ... preparing for a return to a normal life.

I'm also happy to say that my joints feel a little better today, too!! For me, that's VERY exciting though I'm trying to only be cautiously optimistic. The stiffness is still there but not AS bad and certainly not as achy. Whether being off the Arimidex is finally making a difference or whether three days of taking Tylenol Arthritis is making a difference, I can't say for sure. Or maybe it's just one of those days and maybe I'll feel just as much joint discomfort tomorrow. I do hope, though, that it's a sign of improvements to come because really, it's been the worst part of the past 2 months! The radiation, so far, hasn't been difficult since I am able to get adequate sleep.

I find I've needed to really withdraw from much of life and just focus on getting through this last part of treatment. It's kind of like when I was in labour with Hannah and a nurse kept telling me to open my eyes and focus on something in the room ... the clock or something on the wall ... and I wanted to tell her to just stop saying that because what I needed to do (and did) was close my eyes and direct my focus inside myself. That's where my INNER strength is ... not out there on the wall somewhere. That's how I feel about this now. It's a bit like being in labour. To get through it I need to focus inside. So, please forgive me for all the invitations I've had to turn down. Please continue inviting me, though, because I hope to be feeling much more social (maybe exuberantly so) once this stuff is over with. Then I'll want to celebrate with EVERYONE!! And soon it really will be over. At least that's how this is supposed to work. Thanks for standing by me.


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